Ben Ralston

New age neo-tantra bogus yogis… caught in the act!




Caught in the act.

In March 2003 I was in the Bahamas, completing my advanced yoga teacher’s training course. It was an intense month – up at 4.30 every morning; after an hour of advanced pranayama the rest of the day was spent immersed all aspects of Raja Yoga, until late into the evening.
On that course there were two people that I became friends with, (and who shall be the hero and heroine of this particular tragedy). The first, who I shall call Dave, was a fellow Englishman who happened to come from the town where I grew up. The other, who I shall call Maya, was an American woman.
Dave and Maya had quickly developed a flirtatious relationship that seemed slightly out of place in the austere atmosphere of the Ashram – especially since both of them were married…


As the course progressed, I would see them giving each other massages, stroking each other’s hair, and so on –always with an air of, well, purity.
Dave considered himself a healer (albeit without any training or experience), and Maya was a massage therapist. Both had a slightly ‘holier than thou’ attitude that I overlooked, since I was really too busy focusing on surviving the rigors of the course to care all that much. However, in the back of my mind there was a sneaking suspicion that their relationship wasn’t as ‘pure’ as they wanted everyone to believe.
One day, about halfway through the course, a group of us were sitting around chatting after lunch, and Dave and Maya started to tell us all (rather patronizingly) that Tantra was the fastest and best path to enlightenment; that they were going to set up a business together, because they were ‘so deeply karmically connected’; and share their extensive knowledge of Tantra with others in order to make the world a better place.
All of which would be fine, except for the fact that neither of them really knew the first thing about Tantra.
When I asked what this ‘business’ would entail, they told me that they would help couples and individuals attain enlightenment (using Tantric sex). Lofty goals!
Dave told me (and everyone else within earshot) that he was able to hold back his orgasm indefinitely. He authoritatively stated that that was where his ‘power’ came from.
I suggested to them that sex is not the intrinsic aspect of Tantra that many people in the West think; and that perhaps the essence of Tantra is actually nothing to do with gratification, but rather more to do with worship and celebration. I also asked them how they knew so much about Tantra without having had any formal training, but they eluded my questions whilst flirting outrageously and I let it go…
Fast-forward one year. I am back in England; I get a call from Maya. She’s visiting and would love to see Dave and I. We organize a get-together, and after a night out in London, they both end up staying at my house.
In the morning, I make tea for them, and take it up the stairs to the loft conversion where they are sleeping… and as I enter, what do I see?
Dave and Maya fucking like rabbits. I don’t like to swear, but only a swear word can adequately describe what they were doing.
Whether you call it fucking, or shagging, or screwing, or banging though: there was absolutely nothing sacred, spiritual, or enlightened about what they were doing. They were simply going at it, hammer and tongs.
I thought about tiptoeing silently back down the stairs, but you know what? I couldn’t resist surprising them! So I set the tray down quietly at the top of the steps and wished them a hearty “Good Morning!”
The looks on their faces were priceless; rabbits caught (f*cking) in the headlights.
Thankfully, neither of them mentioned Tantra all morning.

Yoga teachers training: how I stopped resisting, and started living.

Ben, Vijendra, Sacred mountain

It’s coming towards the end of January, 2001 – and the end of my one month Yoga teacher’s training course in Kerala, India.

It’s been the longest month of my life – bar none. I’ve been ill for most of that time with bronchitis, tonsillitis, and flu (yes, simultaneously) and I never would have believed that it was possible to feel quite so useless. Having never been seriously ill in my life, and having come here with the idea that I would become God of Asana, it’s been a humbling experience, to say the least…





When I first arrived here a month ago, jetlagged beyond belief, I shared a room with a 52-year-old French guy who, a few days into the course, accused me of stealing his money. I was evicted from the room, and since then the whole French contingent have been giving me the evil eye. Standing in line for morning ‘chai’ and feeling fifteen French faces burning a hole in my guilty until proven innocent back didn’t make me feel better…
Next, I shared a room with a 52-year-old Serbian chap (Rade) who accused me of sitting on his pillow. I may well have done that by the way, as I admitted openly to him – I’ve been feverish to the point of hallucination, and some days didn’t know my own name, let alone my own pillow. However, this upset him so much that he wouldn’t speak to me (until recently)… needless to say the atmosphere in our little room hasn’t been all that amiable. That didn’t make me feel better either… nor did the fact that said Serbian snores frighteningly loudly, and gets up an hour early each morning for an extra hour of meditation. So his alarm goes off at 4.30, and then he does Neti in the tiny toilet joining our room. Most days I am just drifting off to sleep when his alarm goes off, so I have an hour of sleep interspersed with the sounds of his snot hitting the toilet water. Nope, that hasn’t helped much.
One of those mornings, when Rade’s alarm went off, I started crying. I was really at the end of my tether, so to speak. I didn’t think I could handle any more of this relentless hardship. All I wanted was to be home, and get a hug from my girlfriend. The thought of that hug… well, at that moment, I was closer to quitting than I’ve ever been in my life. I cried for a while while Rade cleaned his nose out very thoroughly nearby, and decided to stick at it. I steeled myself for more days and nights of misery, but I wouldn’t quit. I decided. That decision didn’t help me to feel better anytime soon, but I think it might have almost saved my life!
I really haven’t slept much. We work and study each day ‘til late, then have homework, and by the time we get to sleep it’s almost time to get up. Together with the jetlag, the snoring, the early starts, and the mosquitos…
Oh! I didn’t mention the mosquitos. Well, let’s just say that they are big; ubiquitous; and hunt in savage packs, like maniacal rabid dogs.
So, all in all, I haven’t had much sleep lately.
The schedule itself is relentless! We have two asana classes a day (two hours each), meditation and chanting twice a day, endless lectures on the Bhagavad Gita, Kirtan (chanting), anatomy, yoga theory… an hour of Karma yoga, which for me entails filling a large barrel of water with buckets from the lake. That would be fine normally, but since I can barely raise my hand, carrying buckets of water is pretty difficult.
We only get two vegetarian meals a day. I’ve never heard of that before. Where I come from, everyone says that ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’. Well, here there is no breakfast. They also say that you can’t survive without meat, because you won’t get enough protein. Well, we’ll see won’t we!
Speaking of which, I’ve just remembered a funny conversation I had with my Dad. I called home after about a week, and told him about the food situation. He told me that he’d read an article on cults. Apparently, cults brainwash people by starving them of protein – or so he read. ‘Watch out’, he said. ‘If you start feeling weak and susceptible, come right on home’.
Thanks Dad, very encouraging!
Recently though, I have been slowly feeling better.
I think that the massage helped a bit – the one where I lay naked on the hard stone floor while a fat, hairy Indian man walked up and down my arms, legs, and body, grinding my joints into the ground with his heels – he narrowly avoided breaking me in half by hanging on to a rope that hung from the ceiling. Perhaps when he massaged my genitals with his feet… yes I believe the sheer shock of that moment did me some good after a month of strict routine.
The chanting has definitely helped. When I first arrived, I was surprised to hear a chorus of strange, loud sounds coming from the building in the middle of the Ashram. Unlike any music I’d ever heard before, it was alien and uninviting. When I was sat in the middle of that hall the next day, and for the following weeks, and urged to join in the chanting, I couldn’t get past the fact that I didn’t understand what the words meant (what if Dad was right?!).
But slowly, the words of one of the teachers here began to sink in: “stop resisting”.
And one day, I found myself chanting with the best of them, lungs pumping like pistons, and tears streaming down my face as I somehow felt myself yearning for something that I didn’t understand. That yearning, that yearning… yes, that made me feel better.
I’m sure all the asana practice has helped too. When I arrived, I thought I was pretty damn good at the old asana. I figured I’d be one of the best here, and they’d probably be asking me to demonstrate stuff, and might even want to photograph me.
However, I was shocked to see that some of the people here can do things that I’ve never heard of and probably won’t ever be able to do. At first, I was pretty peeved about that. But soon I was too ill to think about it, and after a while the asana practice just started becoming, well, less competitive really. I stopped thinking about what I looked like, and what they looked like, and I just started breathing deeper. Deeper than I’d ever thought possible. It was like my whole body was one big lung! And each cell was breathing in harmony with every other cell, and the inhalation and exhalation were flowing into each other, and well, even though I could barely do much at all, what I did do felt great.
I’ve decided that I may not ever be able to do those asanas where you get your legs behind your head and then walk around on your fingertips, but I’m going to work hard at doing what I can do, and I’m going to master it. Setting myself that kind of goal without being ‘attached’ to the result, felt good.
I know the meditation helped. Sitting still for 30mins, observing my breath, repeating the mantra until my mind becomes so focused that all other thoughts dissipate and there is only this vibration happening, which is my life, my breath, my self, now… doing that twice a day has definitely helped. I’m going to keep on doing that, because when I do, I feel great.
And now here I am, up a mountain. It’s 6am, and the Sun has just risen. We all walked up this mountain together this morning, in silence, in the dark, and meditated while the sun came up and warmed our faces. Then we chanted to the sky, to the jungle, to the universe.
They say this mountain is a holy place. I believe. There’s certainly a sacred feeling in the air now. I feel as if I can do anything here. I feel no animosity towards anyone, for the first time in my life. If the devil himself were stood in front of me I’d wish him well. I certainly don’t have any ill feeling towards Rade: I went to him and apologized yesterday, and guess what? He apologized right on back. We didn’t say much, but there was such a feeling between us that it didn’t matter.
I don’t hate the French guy either. I guess he was having a hard time too in those early days of the course. I reckon he really did believe that I’d stolen from him, and he’s entitled to believe what he wants. Anyway, I’m too busy feeling great to worry about what he thinks now.
I stand here at the top of this mountain, and want to sum up how I feel in one word: it’s a word that I would never have used before I came here to India.
It’s a word that I used to associate with religion, and religion was one of the things that I used to think I hated.
But the word that comes to mind is Faith. I am full of faith. I stand here, full of faith. Not faith in God, or faith in a religion, or an institution like the church, or another person… but faith in myself.
I’ve been to the darkest of places in my self. I’ve wanted to quit, and I’ve had to find out what I’m made of. I found out that I may not be who I have always thought I was. Actually, I know I’m not. I’ve realized that nothing is what I thought it was. Nothing is for certain anymore, but I think I can handle that: I’ve finally stopped resisting.
I take off my sandals. I’m so full of faith that I know I can walk down this jungle mountain barefoot. Something in me tells me to do that, and I don’t question it. It just feels like a good thing to do, so I do it, because I don’t need any other reason. As I walk, I feel the rocks and soil and tree roots beneath my feet and between my toes, and somehow there is no pain. Somehow, it’s as if the earth moulds itself to my feet, and my feet find their way. I don’t even need to look down at where I put them – my feet just find their way. That’s faith, and that’s what I’ve found this last month.
I wonder where it’ll take me next.

MEDITATION part 2

I was very lucky – when I learnt to meditate for the first time, I had a very good teacher.

Teaching, to me, is all about transmitting – in other words beyond what you say and what you do as a teacher, there is a sharing of the essence of what you teach. As a yoga instructor, when I run a class, I am of course giving verbal instructions, and correcting poses, but at the same time I am allowing the essence of yoga to flow through me. This is what I mean by transmission.

Well, my first meditation teacher did that very well.
It was in the Transcendental Meditation center in London. I had taken the basic course to learn to meditate, and on the last day, the culmination of the course was that the teacher guided me into a meditation. She sat with me for a while, and together we chanted the mantra that I had been given. Slowly, the chanting became quieter and quieter, until she left the room, leaving me for 20 minutes to continue repeating the mantra silently.

She had set up the whole thing very well – there was an air of sacredness; I felt completely relaxed; and my mind was totally focused.

For a few minutes I continued to repeat the mantra silently, allowing my body to relax more and more fully, feeling a greater level of concentration take over me. And then…

I heard the teacher returning, approaching the door to the room in which I sat. I suddenly realized that I had not had a single thought for at least the last 10 minutes. My mind had been completely silent. That thought – that I hadn’t been thinking – interrupted my state of silence, and with it came further reflection. I remembered what I had been experiencing in that silent state:

I was floating in space, weightless, and surrounded by the most beautiful stars.

The silence of my mind reflected a deep silent space around me – silent, but full. Full of the most wonderful depth, and infinite clarity.

I was bathing; body, mind, and soul, in the embrace of an unconditional love that knew no bounds.

I felt total and utter bliss – there is no other word.

As the door handle turned and my teacher came back into the room, I melted. Tears of gratitude streamed from my eyes as I felt completely transformed. Those minutes in that room has shown me that what I had been searching for – the experience of transcendence / self realization / enlightenment – was REAL. I was not chasing shadows. I was truly on to something.

My life since then has been a quest to re-attain that silent state more permanently.

Please note: the state of transcendent awareness does not have to imply detachment from the material world! On the contrary: when we are aware of our true nature, we are more capable; more able; more functional. The difference is that we no longer have to TRY to perform. We are automatically supremely skillful in that state. The words that come from our mouth are divine. Our actions reflect nothing but love. And our intentions are supremely benevolent. Because the reality is that our essence is of God. And when we transcend the mundane ‘little self’, and contact once again that ‘true Self’ that is at our heart, we know nothing, but are completely aware.

Please leave a comment!

( This is the second article in what will be a long series on meditation. You can find the first HERE )

MEDITATION

What is meditation?



I want to demystify meditation, and make it accessible to everyone. So I’m going to tell you in very simple terms what meditation is, and I’m going to share some of my experiences with you – partly to inspire, and partly to show you what is possible.


Meditation is really very simple:
It is the combination of deep relaxation, and focused concentration.


It is not a doing. It is a being. You don’t do relaxation – you are relaxed (or you are not). And you don’t do concentration – again, you either are concentrated, or you are not.


Many people are put off because they assume that meditation means ‘stopping’ the mind. So they try to stop the mind (doing). They might try it a few times, and they usually see that it’s really not very easy to make the ‘monkey mind’ shut up! So they give up…
Of course, one of the long term goals of meditation is to be able to achieve a degree of mental control. But for a beginner to try to silence the mind at once, is a bit like someone who has never used a computer trying to design and program a website in one go!


relaxation + concentration = MEDITATION


When you relax deeply, and focus your concentration, something magical happens. I use the word magical rhetorically: it is not magical in the sense of inexplicable – on the contrary, I will explain scientifically exactly what this ‘magical’ effect is – but it is wonderful, enriching, and enlightening! With practice, a whole new world, a new life opens up before you. You become more grounded, more balanced emotionally, physically rejuvenated, and… I’ll write in much more detail about the specific benefits of meditation later.

So it’s very very simple. There is no goal in meditation. There is only the practice of relaxing and concentrating.

The more deeply you relax, the more you are able to concentrate.
And the more you are able to concentrate, the more deeply you relax.
So what happens is a kind of spiraling effect – relaxation leads to concentration, which leads to deeper relaxation, and so on. The body/mind relaxes and becomes more and more focused, and the awareness goes inwards. As the awareness goes inwards, gradually it comes into contact with itself. It is like a meeting of oneself with oneself. And in that meeting there is the ultimate rest; the ultimate peace; the ulimate joy; and the ultimate celebration.

Each morning I meditate, and it feels like I bathed myself – body, mind, and soul – in golden nectar. With this practice I am able to see more clearly; communicate more deeply, and love more fully, the world around me – starting with myself! It is the most empowering thing I can do for myself.

This will be a series of articles on meditation: 
  • I will tell you about my experiences;
  • I’ll teach you some techniques to help you to meditate – including some tricks that not many people know.
  • I’ll also describe the benefits of meditation in detail.
For now, I’ll just encourage you to focus on relaxation. Read the articles – relaxation 1 and relaxation 2.
Practice yoga nidra (the deep relaxation exercise described in the first article). The more you release accumulated stress and are able to access deeper states of relaxation, the more quickly and easily you will take to meditation. This is the best preparation.
With love,
Ben

WHO ARE YOU?!

My Father was very fond of saying:

“there are two types of people in this world…”

Well, guess what?
There are two types of people in this world 🙂
People who think about the question “who am I?”, and people who avoid that thought at all costs. It’s the difference between thinking deeply, and trying not to. As Bertrand Russell said in one of my favorite quotes:

“Most people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do so!”

As I took my dog for his customary long walk over the hills and through the woods this morning, I came to the realization that I sometimes appear to be two different people:

  1. Ben A feels like an ordinary human being;
  2. Ben B feels like a superhero

What makes the difference between the two is very simple: if I get up in the morning and do what I call ‘my practice’ – which is meditation and yoga – , it’s going to be a superhero kind of a day, guaranteed; if I don’t, it’s going to be… an ordinary kind of day.

Why do I need to practice to feel great. Why can’t I maintain that level of energy, focus, and joy? I think the answer is this: we learn as children that we are SOMETHING. For example, I was told:

  • you are Ben
  • you are a boy
  • you are Jewish
  • you are English
  • you are clever and handsome (thanks Mum)
  • you are lazy (thanks Dad)
  • you are … you are … you are …
Before we are taught all this stuff, we don’t really have an IDEA of what we are. We just are, and we are happy just being. But then society does what society does – labeling everything – and we begin to accept our labels.
“Oh yes, I’m Ben, and I’m clever, but lazy.” 

When I have a superhero day, I don’t feel like I am anything. I just am. And that SIMPLE BEING is really and truly wonderful. It’s also more real. Because I’m not imposing my ideas onto what I am. I just AM.

In the book “Holographic Universe” , Michael Talbot writes about Multiple Personality Disorder. It’s a fascinating read – he describes how some people actually have many, many people inside them (not just two like me!). Apparently, people with MPD can have different physical symptoms to match their different personalies. One man was stung on the eye by a bee. On the way to the doctor his personality switched. By the time he got to the doctor there was no bee sting. But then when he left, his personality switched back again and the bee sting came back! There are also examples of people having cancer in one personality, and the cancer is not present in another of their personalities!

Could it be that there is something in us that anchors our identity – something that holds our beliefs, ideas, and associations in place? Could it be that people with MPD somehow lack that anchor; or rather, that they have several anchors, so they switch randomly between various sets of beliefs, ideas and associations.

Perhaps when I do my practice each day, I temporarily suspend the presence of the anchor.
Perhaps one day I will finally learn to suspend it permanently. 
Perhaps that is what enlightenment is…

What do you think? Who are you? Leave a comment, let me know!