Ben Ralston

Offended by the word Cunt? (This one’s for you)



Mark was my best friend.

We grew up together. I knew him since I was 4 years old.
We used to sleep over at each other’s houses, sliding down the staircases in sleeping bags, keeping each other’s parents awake at night.
I never felt comfortable in his house though. Everything was too clean and tidy – not a thing out of place.
And he wasn’t allowed to say ‘God’. He got round this by saying Gaw’ instead (like Gawd – ‘Queen’s English’ pronunciation, but without the D). I remember the first time I heard him say it. I laughed out loud.
His mother (who I must say is a lovely lady, and still friends with my mother) didn’t let him say God, but Gaw’ was ok. Even though we all knew that the meaning was the same.
I was always afraid of his Mother as a child. She reminded me of Nurse Ratched.

The thing that bothered me the most about this vocabulary restriction that my friend was under – it sounded so contrived. As if, at the moment when he wanted to exclaim “Oh my God, the house is on fire!” or “Good God, I’ve never seen such a large carrot”, or “God Almighty is that really the time?”, he had to check his surprise / indignation / relief, and redirect his feeling into another direction. It was the censorship of expression that I found hard to swallow…


Once, when I was sleeping over at Mark’s house I woke up having shat in the bed (I promise you, it never happened before or since). After I got over my fear of waking up Nurse Ratched and telling her the bad news, I stood in the hall and chuckled to myself as she changed the sheets. Somehow, it felt like divine retribution.
And I don’t imagine that she was saying to herself: “Oh my Gaw’, what a mess”…
In 1939 when Gone With the Wind was released, the famous line: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” almost didn’t make it past censorship. In those days, the words ‘hell’ and ‘damn’ were taboo. Hard to imagine that now isn’t it?
Nowadays there is really only one word left that universally causes us to pause and consider “can I really say that?”
Cunt.
A cunt is a vagina. We all know that, right? But a cunt is also a person so despicable that no other word/s will suffice to describe. In my recent article Why I Had To Leave Bangkok After Just One Night – The Girl With The Black Eyes I used the word ‘cunt’ to describe the various men who tried to ‘sell’ me an 11 year old child for the night. I personally would have preferred a nastier word, but I can’t think of one. (If you can, please let me know).
Several people commented that the story would have been better without the use of the word ‘cunt’.
Really, this is my reply to those people.
A word is primarily a sound. And it can of course have a meaning attached, but meaning is subjective. So one person who hears it will react in a different way to another…
And of course, the single syllable that is ‘Cunt’ can mean beautiful genitalia (your vaginas are all beautiful, girls, please realize that) or a despicable man. In the same way that a dick can be a phallus, or a fool!
So in a way, the two people who react differently to the same word are really only separated by their cultural exposure to the word itself (the more someone has heard it, the less they will react).
For example: Gone with the Wind did wonders, I’m sure, for the cultural acceptance of the word damn.
This article is doing wonders (I hope) for the word cunt (although perhaps not for my reputation. Oh well).
The meaning doesn’t change. Just the level of cultural acceptance.
So, when I am speaking or writing something, I won’t dampen my expression, my voice, to suit the audience. I just won’t do it. What would be the point – to protect delicate sensibilities? If so, should I worry about every word – god, damn, cunt…?! Where do I draw the line?
Rather, I challenge those of you who find this use of language offensive to question what part of you it is that is offended, and why?
…
If you remain offended after said questioning, then I apologize for causing pain. It certainly was not my intention. I promise you that I don’t often use the C word. (I save it for special occasions)…
Mark and I drifted apart. We were too different.
Last time I saw him was Christmas a few years ago. He came over with his fiancée, who I’d never met before. During dinner I went upstairs to find an old photo of the two of us at University. I wanted to show his wife-to-be how hilarious the two of us looked, both wearing wire-rimmed spectacles, with long hair and glowing red eyes. He intercepted me on my way back into the dining room, and insisted that I shouldn’t show her that photo.
Later, I figured out why. He had a joint in his hand, and he didn’t want her seeing that he’d ever smoked.
A couple of years later he and his (then wife) had a baby. I found out about it a week later from my Mum. That was when I realized that our friendship was dead and buried.
Censorship is not a Good Thing.

What happens when you do Yoga: part 1: Asana

10 amazing benefits of a regular yoga practice.

Asanas are the physical position, or postures, of yoga. Asana is a Sanskrit word.
Sanskrit is known as the language of the Gods. It is ancient, subtle, and complex.
The word asana means seat, or position: literally, the relationship that your body has to the earth. Sanskrit being Sanskrit, there is also an implied meaning: steadiness, and comfort.
So asana is a position that is held steady and comfortable.

Petra in King Cobra; Poorna Bhujangasana
What happens when you practice these positions in the right way (holding them steady, and relaxing into them) is that you (1) breathe deeply. Since any time you remain steady and relax deeply, your breathing will also deepen as a natural consequence.
As your body lets go of unnecessary tension (which is absolutely inevitable with practice, because it’s simply not possible to hold an asana whilst also holding on to stress) there is a deep (2) ‘letting go’. Emotional stress that was locked away in the muscles and tissues of the body, especially the fascia, dissolves. This is why people sometimes cry or feel emotional during yoga practice; usually however the ‘letting go’ is on a more subconscious level.

As the body breathes more and more deeply, the lungs expand and contract more fully, gently and rhythmically (3) massaging the internal organs and glands. They are toned; toxins are released; and all the systems in the body – the endocrine system (hormones); nervous system (stress + relaxation); circulatory system (energy) digestive system, and metabolism – are balanced.
As well as this internal massage, the yoga postures are also well known for the wonderful (4) external massage that they give: stretching. The muscular skeletal system is rebalanced completely; the main reason why yoga is known to be quite simply the best remedy for a bad back. Problems with alignment are corrected automatically, as the body remembers it’s proper relationship with all it’s various parts.
Another reason why yoga helps to fix a bad back, apart from the stretching aspect of the exercises, is that it (5) strengthens the body, especially the core of the body. The core muscle groups are the ones that hold the body internally, maintaining good posture and balance. Look at an experienced yoga asana practitioner, and you’ll see physical poise, balance, and lightness of limb. Yoga is known as ‘skill in action’, and certainly physical mastery is one of the results.

Inverted postures (such as shoulderstand and headstand) reverse the effect of gravity on the blood flow in the body, bringing (6) much needed nutrition and energy to parts of the body that may lack them, rejuvenating the upper regions – heart, throat, and brain.
The heart is especially benefited by these inverted postures due to the effect known as ‘Starling’s Law’, which states that the more the heart muscle stretches, the more it in turn contracts. The large volume of blood entering the heart (carried freely by gravity from the legs, pelvis, and abdomen) stretches it greatly so that it then contracts strongly, and is given wonderful exercise; without any stress on the nervous system and knees, which other more aerobic cardiovascular exercise is guilty of.
Heart disease, formerly thought to be irreversible, has been demonstrated to be not only reversible but also cure-able with the help of yoga.
I mentioned hormones above. Most people don’t realize how important the endocrine system (system of glands which produce hormones to regulate many of the functions of our organism) is: it is responsible for our moods. That’s why we sometimes put unpredictable behavior down to someone being ‘hormonal’!
In short, when you practice yoga, the endocrine system is balanced, toned, and stimulated, so that (7) the correct levels of specific hormones are produced: to dissipate stress, and induce relaxation.
I don’t mind telling you that before I became a yoga teacher many years ago, I was a party animal, living a fairly hedonistic lifestyle in London.
One of the things that ‘hooked’ me to yoga was that I realized the wonderful feelings and experiences I had using recreational drugs then, could be reproduced without the drugs.
To be specific: I attended a wonderful yoga class, and left the class one Autumnal evening feeling as if I had taken MDMA (ecstasy). My vision was sharp; my body felt as light as a feather; my thoughts were ‘crystal clear’; and my mood was one of calm, ecstatic, joy bubbling up and over me… in short, exactly the same experience I had had ‘partying’. As I walked home that evening through the streets of London, the streetlamps seemed as beautiful as the trees. The air I breathed was like nectar, and each person hurrying past was a being towards whom I felt infinite compassion. In one word: I was pure love. The next day there was no ‘come-down’; I knew I could tap into that feeling anytime I wanted, because the source of it was not something external – a drug – but something inside of me. My love affair with yoga continued on from there… and one of the reasons I teach it is that I want to share that incredible internal experience with others.
Yoga also brings our attention to any issues that we have – physical and emotional. It’s very hard to do a full yoga class and not notice tension in the body, or anger in the heart. The nature of these postures is that they (8) bring problems, weaknesses, and stress to our attention. By way of example: if you have a weakness in your knee, which may well go unnoticed until you run for the bus and damage the joint, practicing yoga will undoubtedly bring the problem to your attention. You will then have to adapt your practice to accommodate the injury, and soon you will find that the problem is gone, as the postures soothe, stretch, and strengthen the ligaments, muscles, tendons, and tissues around the problem.

Locust / Shalabhasana; don’t try this at home!
Finally, practicing the physical aspects of yoga brings clarity, focus, and balance to the mind. Asana practice is really meditation too. It brings us mindfully into the present moment, with ease and grace, so that (9) magic happnens: our body and mind integrate again. While most people think of themselves as a mind and a body; or perhaps a mind in a body; the truth is that the mind and body are one. There really is no separation between the two: they are like two sides of the same coin.
The reality is that human beings are pure consciousness, pure vibrational energy. The body is a dense manifestation of that consciousness. The mind is a subtle manifestation of that consciousness. Both are essentially pure consciousness. So what happens when we practice asana is that in some kind of magical way, perhaps as a result of the cumulative effect of all the above points together, we suddenly feel ourselves more integrated; more comfortable ‘in our own skin’.


There are in fact way more than 9 benefits. I picked the number 9 out of a hat (not literally) before I started, and worked around it. There are actually so many benefits to a regular yoga practice that I could write on and on about it for the rest of my life… but I don’t have time for that, and neither do you. But you get the picture. The only other thing I feel I should mention before I leave you is ENERGY: I mentioned consciousness before, and pure vibrational energy… well, that’s what you are. Sometimes, that energy gets kind of ‘twisted’, or blocked, and then we feel… well, not so good. Yoga practice gets the energy flowing properly. The consequence of that is not only that we feel better, but that our evolution is accelerated. That’s right, we become more evolved. Our consciousness is raised. You can put this a number of different ways: for example, you can say that the higher chakras are awakened, or balanced; you could say that the kundalini is awakened (for my own experience of chakraas and kundalini see here); or you could simply say that the vibration is raised. Either way, the effect is unmistakable. I’ll talk more about the energetic effects of yoga practice in part 2: pranayama.

Yoga teachers training: how I stopped resisting, and started living.

Ben, Vijendra, Sacred mountain

It’s coming towards the end of January, 2001 – and the end of my one month Yoga teacher’s training course in Kerala, India.

It’s been the longest month of my life – bar none. I’ve been ill for most of that time with bronchitis, tonsillitis, and flu (yes, simultaneously) and I never would have believed that it was possible to feel quite so useless. Having never been seriously ill in my life, and having come here with the idea that I would become God of Asana, it’s been a humbling experience, to say the least…





When I first arrived here a month ago, jetlagged beyond belief, I shared a room with a 52-year-old French guy who, a few days into the course, accused me of stealing his money. I was evicted from the room, and since then the whole French contingent have been giving me the evil eye. Standing in line for morning ‘chai’ and feeling fifteen French faces burning a hole in my guilty until proven innocent back didn’t make me feel better…
Next, I shared a room with a 52-year-old Serbian chap (Rade) who accused me of sitting on his pillow. I may well have done that by the way, as I admitted openly to him – I’ve been feverish to the point of hallucination, and some days didn’t know my own name, let alone my own pillow. However, this upset him so much that he wouldn’t speak to me (until recently)… needless to say the atmosphere in our little room hasn’t been all that amiable. That didn’t make me feel better either… nor did the fact that said Serbian snores frighteningly loudly, and gets up an hour early each morning for an extra hour of meditation. So his alarm goes off at 4.30, and then he does Neti in the tiny toilet joining our room. Most days I am just drifting off to sleep when his alarm goes off, so I have an hour of sleep interspersed with the sounds of his snot hitting the toilet water. Nope, that hasn’t helped much.
One of those mornings, when Rade’s alarm went off, I started crying. I was really at the end of my tether, so to speak. I didn’t think I could handle any more of this relentless hardship. All I wanted was to be home, and get a hug from my girlfriend. The thought of that hug… well, at that moment, I was closer to quitting than I’ve ever been in my life. I cried for a while while Rade cleaned his nose out very thoroughly nearby, and decided to stick at it. I steeled myself for more days and nights of misery, but I wouldn’t quit. I decided. That decision didn’t help me to feel better anytime soon, but I think it might have almost saved my life!
I really haven’t slept much. We work and study each day ‘til late, then have homework, and by the time we get to sleep it’s almost time to get up. Together with the jetlag, the snoring, the early starts, and the mosquitos…
Oh! I didn’t mention the mosquitos. Well, let’s just say that they are big; ubiquitous; and hunt in savage packs, like maniacal rabid dogs.
So, all in all, I haven’t had much sleep lately.
The schedule itself is relentless! We have two asana classes a day (two hours each), meditation and chanting twice a day, endless lectures on the Bhagavad Gita, Kirtan (chanting), anatomy, yoga theory… an hour of Karma yoga, which for me entails filling a large barrel of water with buckets from the lake. That would be fine normally, but since I can barely raise my hand, carrying buckets of water is pretty difficult.
We only get two vegetarian meals a day. I’ve never heard of that before. Where I come from, everyone says that ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’. Well, here there is no breakfast. They also say that you can’t survive without meat, because you won’t get enough protein. Well, we’ll see won’t we!
Speaking of which, I’ve just remembered a funny conversation I had with my Dad. I called home after about a week, and told him about the food situation. He told me that he’d read an article on cults. Apparently, cults brainwash people by starving them of protein – or so he read. ‘Watch out’, he said. ‘If you start feeling weak and susceptible, come right on home’.
Thanks Dad, very encouraging!
Recently though, I have been slowly feeling better.
I think that the massage helped a bit – the one where I lay naked on the hard stone floor while a fat, hairy Indian man walked up and down my arms, legs, and body, grinding my joints into the ground with his heels – he narrowly avoided breaking me in half by hanging on to a rope that hung from the ceiling. Perhaps when he massaged my genitals with his feet… yes I believe the sheer shock of that moment did me some good after a month of strict routine.
The chanting has definitely helped. When I first arrived, I was surprised to hear a chorus of strange, loud sounds coming from the building in the middle of the Ashram. Unlike any music I’d ever heard before, it was alien and uninviting. When I was sat in the middle of that hall the next day, and for the following weeks, and urged to join in the chanting, I couldn’t get past the fact that I didn’t understand what the words meant (what if Dad was right?!).
But slowly, the words of one of the teachers here began to sink in: “stop resisting”.
And one day, I found myself chanting with the best of them, lungs pumping like pistons, and tears streaming down my face as I somehow felt myself yearning for something that I didn’t understand. That yearning, that yearning… yes, that made me feel better.
I’m sure all the asana practice has helped too. When I arrived, I thought I was pretty damn good at the old asana. I figured I’d be one of the best here, and they’d probably be asking me to demonstrate stuff, and might even want to photograph me.
However, I was shocked to see that some of the people here can do things that I’ve never heard of and probably won’t ever be able to do. At first, I was pretty peeved about that. But soon I was too ill to think about it, and after a while the asana practice just started becoming, well, less competitive really. I stopped thinking about what I looked like, and what they looked like, and I just started breathing deeper. Deeper than I’d ever thought possible. It was like my whole body was one big lung! And each cell was breathing in harmony with every other cell, and the inhalation and exhalation were flowing into each other, and well, even though I could barely do much at all, what I did do felt great.
I’ve decided that I may not ever be able to do those asanas where you get your legs behind your head and then walk around on your fingertips, but I’m going to work hard at doing what I can do, and I’m going to master it. Setting myself that kind of goal without being ‘attached’ to the result, felt good.
I know the meditation helped. Sitting still for 30mins, observing my breath, repeating the mantra until my mind becomes so focused that all other thoughts dissipate and there is only this vibration happening, which is my life, my breath, my self, now… doing that twice a day has definitely helped. I’m going to keep on doing that, because when I do, I feel great.
And now here I am, up a mountain. It’s 6am, and the Sun has just risen. We all walked up this mountain together this morning, in silence, in the dark, and meditated while the sun came up and warmed our faces. Then we chanted to the sky, to the jungle, to the universe.
They say this mountain is a holy place. I believe. There’s certainly a sacred feeling in the air now. I feel as if I can do anything here. I feel no animosity towards anyone, for the first time in my life. If the devil himself were stood in front of me I’d wish him well. I certainly don’t have any ill feeling towards Rade: I went to him and apologized yesterday, and guess what? He apologized right on back. We didn’t say much, but there was such a feeling between us that it didn’t matter.
I don’t hate the French guy either. I guess he was having a hard time too in those early days of the course. I reckon he really did believe that I’d stolen from him, and he’s entitled to believe what he wants. Anyway, I’m too busy feeling great to worry about what he thinks now.
I stand here at the top of this mountain, and want to sum up how I feel in one word: it’s a word that I would never have used before I came here to India.
It’s a word that I used to associate with religion, and religion was one of the things that I used to think I hated.
But the word that comes to mind is Faith. I am full of faith. I stand here, full of faith. Not faith in God, or faith in a religion, or an institution like the church, or another person… but faith in myself.
I’ve been to the darkest of places in my self. I’ve wanted to quit, and I’ve had to find out what I’m made of. I found out that I may not be who I have always thought I was. Actually, I know I’m not. I’ve realized that nothing is what I thought it was. Nothing is for certain anymore, but I think I can handle that: I’ve finally stopped resisting.
I take off my sandals. I’m so full of faith that I know I can walk down this jungle mountain barefoot. Something in me tells me to do that, and I don’t question it. It just feels like a good thing to do, so I do it, because I don’t need any other reason. As I walk, I feel the rocks and soil and tree roots beneath my feet and between my toes, and somehow there is no pain. Somehow, it’s as if the earth moulds itself to my feet, and my feet find their way. I don’t even need to look down at where I put them – my feet just find their way. That’s faith, and that’s what I’ve found this last month.
I wonder where it’ll take me next.

WHAT IS HEALTH?



Many people (including many doctors!) view HEALTH like this: “we are healthy when there is nothing wrong“.
You know what? When you look at health like that, you are really just waiting to get sick!

I’m going to share with you some information that not many people know, and fewer understand.

I want to tell you WHAT HEALTH REALLY IS.
I’m also going to give you 5 practical tips which, if applied intelligently, will transform your life!
Health is not a lack of disease. It is not the absence of sickness. It is not a negative anything. But many people (including many doctors!) view it like this: “we are healthy when there is nothing wrong“.
You know what? When you look at health like that, you are really just waiting to get sick!




True health is a radiant state of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual vitality. It is much, much more than a lack of symptoms. It is a state of consciousness in which abundant energy and vibrant wisdom merge with physical well-being and peace of mind, bestowing an all-consuming sense of JOY…


This is actually our natural state of being – it is our birth right! It is the way we are supposed to be.

When we experience this state of natural health, it is because all the different aspects of us are unified. Our head, our heart, and our body, are all speaking the same language. We are coherent. All of our different aspects are co-operating.


As I said in the article SUCCESS, coherence and intention, this term coherence comes from the language of Reference Point Therapy. It is also a scientific term: a coherent light pattern is one which is focused. When you focus the beam of a torch, the light becomes more intense; brighter… similarly, when we focus our light, (our awareness, our energy)… we become more powerful. Specifically what this means to us as human beings, is allowing our head (thoughts), our heart (emotions), and our gut (instincts) to be in harmony. When we operate like that, we are coherent, and that means healthy.

So, poor health, sickness, disease, depression, and addiction are symptoms of incoherence. It really is that simple.
If there is something wrong, it is because some part of you is not communicating with the other parts. You are, on some level, incoherent.
What this new understanding means – and let’s be really clear: this is modern, cutting edge information that I am giving you here. Only very recently has this new approach to healing been discovered. What I am talking about here is a NEW PARADIGM, a completely new approach to health and healing.
What this new understanding means, is that we can HEAL ourselves very quickly, very easily, and permanently – now. This is the Holy Grail of healing.


We don’t have to keep on repeating the same patterns of illness, poverty, unhealthy relationship. We don’t have to visit the doctor anymore, or spend thousands of euros on psychotherapy, or keep on going to bio-energy healing again and again. We are able now, if we so choose, to become more coherent!

If health and joy are our birthright, why do so many people suffer from poor health and depression?

The reason why so many people are unhealthy is that our society is unhealthy.
You don’t need me to tell you why and how our society is unhealthy – it’s obvious. Essentially, health is our natural state, but we have become very far removed from what is natural. It’s not natural to spend so many hours inside. It’s not natural to spend so many hours sitting down. It’s not natural to sit in chairs, or to stare for hours at the pixels of a computer screen. It’s not natural to… I could go on, but I won’t because you know all this.


What to do about it?
Well, if you want to be healthy, I offer you here some practical advice:

  1. The body needs exercise every day. It needs to stretch, and the muscles need to be used regularly. You don’t have to over-do it, but do DO it! (I’ll write an article on proper exercise later).

  2. Breathe deeply and slowly.
  3. Diet: You need to eat fresh, healthy food, and drink lots of water. If you eat meat, eat only a little (once or twice a week is about right). The human body is not designed to eat large quantities of meat, and doing so causes toxins. (I will write an article on nutrition and vegetarian diet later).
  4. Practice deep relaxation daily.
  5. Meditate. Meditation is relaxation taken to a whole other level. When you meditate, you combine deep relaxation with focused awareness (concentration), and the result is a profound, powerful meeting between YOU and YOURSELF. It’s hard to describe – if you have experienced it, you don’t need me to tell you. If you haven’t… I’ll write an article on meditation later!

If you put these 5 points – exercise, breathing, relaxation, diet, and meditation – into practice daily, you will be well on the way to perfect, radiant health. Remember, that means:

“abundant energy and vibrant wisdom merged with physical well-being and peace of mind, bestowing an all-consuming sense of JOY!”

Practicing these 5 points will help to re-align the different aspects of yourself (for example body, emotions, and thoughts). This means coherence, and therefore greater health.


If you get stuck, it may be that there is a blockage. I highly recommend Reference Point Therapy as a unique, highly efficient alternative healing method – quickly and permanently releasing blockages. One such blockage could be a lack of discipline – lack of discipline is really low self-esteem: when we love ourselves deeply, we don’t need ‘discipline’ because we automatically do for ourselves what is best.


An example of the way in which RPT works:
Perhaps your parents didn’t express their love for you openly when you were a child. Perhaps they worked a lot, or maybe they just didn’t know how to love their children fully. This caused you, as a child, to feel a sense of emptiness; like something is wrong with you; as if something in you is missing. This sense of emptiness is a blockage that causes many problems for many people. It prevents people from living life fully; from loving themselves deeply; and from doing the things that they know they should.
It’s easy to release this kind of blockage with RPT.


I practiced the above 5 points for many years, and I made very good progress. Whereas I used to be ill a lot, and suffer from emotional ups and downs, after years of practicing yoga (which is where these 5 points come from – I’ll write more articles on yoga later!), I felt much better. But something was missing. When I discovered Reference Point Therapy all that changed. I let go of several blockages that were holding me back, and my health, abundance, and self-esteem all shifted: I became much more successful.


The purpose of this blog is to share the secret of that success with you. I hope it is helping…
With love,
Ben


Do you agree with this article – anything you disagree with?
Do you feel that something is blocking you from the life you WANT to live?
Have you experienced RPT yourself? – If so, share your experience by leaving a comment.

RELAXATION 1 – WHAT is relaxation?

With this blog I want to GIVE you as much information and practical advice as I can.



So this is the first of a series of guides on relaxation. It’s a big subect – one that in reality few people really think about, but it’s so important. It’s fundamental – without proper relaxation we cannot be successful in any area of our lives. So I’m breaking it down into three manageable chunks:
Today I will tell you WHAT relaxation is (it’s not so obvious!).
In the 2nd article I will tell you WHY it’s so important.
And finally I’ll give you practical advice on HOW to incorporate relaxation into every day life.


WHAT is relaxation?


Relaxing means “going back”.
Going back where?
Inside, where we BELONG!
Ok, but what does that mean?


Almost all our waking lives our attention (and energy) is directed outwards. It goes out through our eyes, our mouths, our bodies (our senses) into the world around us. It is attracted to other people, sounds, advertising, media… all of which are competing for our attention, 24 hours a day…


So to relax means to break this cycle – literally, to regain control of our own attention, our own energy.


Try something:
Take a deep breath into the abdomen, and as you exhale, let go of any physical tension. Taking another deep breath, simply acknowledge what is happening with you right at this moment – physically, emotionally, and mentally… breathing deeply, letting go of tension, and observing how you feel. It’s best to do this with the eyes closed.
Go ahead.


Doesn’t that feel great?!
That is a 10 second relaxation. Now, imagine if you were doing that all the time, 24 hours a day – breathing deeply, letting go, observing. Imagine how good you’d feel, how much energy you’d have!


It’s very simple isn’t it? So why don’t we actually do it?!


The reason why we don’t stay relaxed is because:
a) we were never told the importance of it
b) we were taught that other things are important
c) the combination of a + b causes STRESS


I want to tell you something different: relaxation is the most important thing in the world. It is the foundation of all health, happiness and succes.


Stress is the opposite of relaxation. Quite literally, in biological terms, stress is the absence of relaxation, and relaxation is the absence of stress!
Our nervous system has two possibilities – either the sympathetic nervous system is dominant (stress), or the parasympathetic nervous system is dominant (relaxation).


The sympathetic nervous system reacts to perceived threat in the environment.
Let’s say that a dog behaves aggressively towards you: your body will automatically react in several ways – your eyes dilate to enable faster reactions; your chin drops to protect your throat; adrenalin is released to enable more strength or speed, depending on whether you choose fight or flight; the heart rate goes up to bring more oxygen to the muscles; blood and energy flow is redirected from the organs to the muscles (center to periphery); and so on. All of this is very good – it helps us in difficult sitations, and without it, we would never have survived as a species!
The parasympathetic nervous system on the other hand UNDOES all that the sympathetic nervous system does – when the stress is over (the dog stops barking and goes home) your body needs to calm down. So the parasympathetic nervous system releases hormones to relax the body – releasing the adrenalin, calming the eyes, the heart, and so on.
So, the sympathetic nervous system is all about stress response, while the parasympathetic nervous system is all about normal, regular function.


So far, so good. But what happens when you live in a society where your body is always under stress? For example, what if you live in a city with lots of traffic; lots of people in a hurry; noise, air, food and water pollution creating toxins (stress) in the body; constant bombardment of the senses by media, advertising, etc?
I’ll tell you what happens: the body is permanently in a state of stress. In other words, the sympathetic nervous system is always being stimulated.
This is the primary reason why so many people are so ill, depressed, and unhappy.


I’m not kidding! I lived in London for 14 years and I know from experience!
But let’s be honest: it’s not only city life that is to blame. It’s really the speed of 21st century living – and that can affect anyone, even in the country.


What’s the solution?


The solution is that we have to consciously relax. We have to take time to really come back to ourselves, allowing our body to slow down, and giving time to the systems in our body to balance each other.


This does NOT mean watching a movie; reading a book; listening to music; having a beer / glass of wine; going out with friends. All of these things, which we have been taught to associate with relaxation, are stimulating! They stimulate our senses. They don’t really help us to relax in a deep, meaningful way.


For real relaxation, silence is needed. So that our hearing is allowed to relax, and the muscles of our throat, vocal chords, tongue, and mouth can relax.
Closing the eyes is needed, so that our mind can stop processing visual information (did you know that literally millions of bits of information are absorbed through the eyes every second? And that our brains have to process that information?!).
Lying on the back is the best position to relax in – and the best posture is the ‘corpse pose‘, a yoga pose known to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system.
Breathing should be deep and slow.
And our mind should be directed inwards.


There is a practice called Yoga Nidra, many thousands of years old. Yoga Nidra means yogic sleep, or ‘sleep of the yogis’ – it is a state of awareness in which the body is so relaxed that it sleeps, but the mind is awake, fully conscious.


20 minutes in this state of being is equivalent to two hours of sleep. It’s very simple to do. I’m going to tell you how…

YOGA NIDRA
  • Lie on the back, with the arms and legs slightly apart, and the head in the middle (corpse pose).

First, tense all the muscles in the body, tensing them, and releasing them.
Then get comfortable.

  • Close the eyes, and take a few deep, full breaths.
  • Then focus the attention inwards… focusing your full attention into the toes. Mentally (silently) repeat: “I am relaxing my toes, my toes are relaxing, the toes are relaxed“

Repeat this phrase until you really feel the toes softening, and relaxing.

  • Then shift your attention to your feet, repeating: “I am relaxing the feet, the feet are relaxing, the feet are relaxed…“

Continue this process, going through every part of the body in turn, until you get to the top of your head. 

  • Then do the same for all the internal organs: brain, heart, lungs, stomach, intestines, and so on. The whole body can be done in 5 minutes. If you are a beginner, it will take longer.
  • When you are finished, lie still for at least 3 minutes. Allow your body to be completely still, and simply observe your mind. As time passes, the mind sinks into a deeper and deeper state of relaxation. There comes a point when, with the body and mind deeply relaxed, we touch something inside ourselves very deeply. That is true relaxation.
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With practice, we are able to be deeply relaxed all the time. When you can do that, you don’t age so fast. You stay healthy. And perhaps most importantly, when you are in a stressful situation, you have more reserves of energy to call upon should you need them.


This is the secret of the ancient yogis, and why they are known for long life and miraculous acts.


In the next article on relaxation, I’m going to tell you just WHY relaxation is so important for us – I believe that it’s the foundation upon which any success (whether in work, relationship, personal development, or spiritual evolution) must be built.
And I’m going to keep on giving you as much information as I can about these things, because I want you to be successful!
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With love,
Ben