What is the most important event of your life?
– in terms of the impact that it had on your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual development.
Shall I tell you?
Your birth.
How, with whom, where and when, in what manner, and under what circumstances you were born are the most influential factors in the development of a human being…
Of course, everything in one’s life is important. Everything has a cause, or countless causes, as well as countless repercussions: because everything in this world is interconnected with everything else!
However, there is an ancient wisdom (in many cultures) stating that the manner in which something is begun, reflects the manner in which it will continue.
I have no doubt that the way we are born echoes through the rest of our life.
The reason I am thinking about this, investigating, researching, and now writing about it at the moment, is because my wife and I are looking into ways to birth our first child, due in November.
I have read some books about childbirth, seen some movies, met a doula, and visited a birth center. What I have found out is very, very interesting.
I will soon write an article giving you that information, because it has really affected me deeply. I now believe that the most important thing we can do for ourselves, our children, our society, and the Earth herself, is change the way we think about birth.
Why? Because most people these days are born in sterile, cold, bright, harsh, impatient, hurried, and unfriendly circumstances. Is it any wonder that our society is getting faster and faster, less and less friendly, more and more mechanical?
Is it possible that if we start birthing all our children naturally – slowly and gently, lovingly, with patience and without worry, that perhaps our society would also reflect that change?
I first started to think about all this several years ago when I heard Tony Samara explaining that Western medicine views birth as a ‘procedure’; whereas all ancient cultures used to view it as a sacred ceremony. That really got me thinking…
Recently, I had an experience in meditation in which I re-experienced my birth. I felt as if I was being pulled by the head so hard that my body would detach.
Later, I found out from my Mother that forceps were used to pull me out from her body.
I know, that experience, as I emerged for the first time into this world, shaped the pattern of addiction that affected me for several years.
In the next article about birthing, I will explain in detail what I believe were the consequences of that moment in my life; what we can all do to improve birthing in our society; and I will also tell you how you can see two movies about natural birth for free. These films are quite simply two of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen in my life, and I am looking forward to sharing them with you.
With love,
Ben
Do you have anything to say about this – perhaps you have experienced ‘rebirthing’ (which I haven’t); perhaps you have a different view towards childbirth? Please share with me and other readers by leaving a comment. Thank you!
HEALING: A personal example
– overcame a serious personal blockage;
– let go of an inherited fear that was preventing me from feeling great;
– paved the way for a much greater degree of success in my work.
I had been feeling ‘out of sorts’ for a few weeks now:
- First of all I haven’t had much work, which means not much money – Eek! A month ago I had an average of six / seven clients a week. The last three weeks I’ve had one or two. If you’ve ever been self employed, with no one to pay your wages / sick leave / taxes / holidays etc. you’ll know what this feels like.
- Secondly, I’ve been feeling kind of ‘foggy’ – unable to think clearly and unable to put my resolutions into action. In a word: incoherent. For example, I haven’t been able to write – even though I’ve been trying to write something every day, nothing has been coming out. Both my blog and my book have been neglected – typical example of writer’s block. Every time I tried to write something I felt that it was no good: I didn’t have the confidence to publish anything.
- Thirdly, for the last three days I had a headache. Not a really bad headache – just one of those nagging, dull, annoying pains that just won’t go away; I was even waking up in the middle of the night with it.
Let me be clear: if someone had asked me if I was prepared to be a parent, I would have said yes! Absolutely, I can’t wait. I didn’t think that I would be a bad Dad. On the contrary, I knew that in many ways I would be a great Father.
But I felt the blockage on a deeply subconscious level.
Now to understand subconscious blockages and the healing of them, here comes the important part:
“…All these things, and greater, you shall do too…”
It seems that Jesus was prophesying a time in which ‘normal’ people would also be able to perform miracles.
I believe that time is now.
HEALING the trauma of sexual abuse
It’s taboo. It makes us feel uncomfortable.
But the statistics are staggering: it is estimated that 25% of girls and 17% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18*.
The reason I want to write about this is that if you were abused, or if you know someone who was abused, I CAN HELP.
I am also one of those statistics: I was sexually abused by a teacher who became a ‘family friend’. From the age of 10 until about 16 I was repeatedly molested…
Sexual abuse causes us to feel small, powerless, weak, lonely, isolated, ashamed, guilty, and depressed. When it happens to a child there is a loss of innocence, a loss of trust, and a loss of openness. The results can be devastating…
I lived with the abuse for about 6 years. I lived with the consequences of that abuse for about 15 years before I told anyone. And that is what almost always happens – the abused child keeps quiet about it.
So many adults; people you know, have been abused as children, and have never told anyone. They live with that secret shame, guilt, and depression hidden deep in their subconscious. In my case it was so deeply hidden I had almost forgotten that it even happened! One day I suddenly remembered – “oh my God, I was sexually abused as a child!”
HOW CAN I HELP?
Until now, people who wanted to help themselves get over the consequences of abuse usually went to see a counsellor or a psychotherapist. They often had to spend many sessions, a lot of money, and a lot of time and energy reliving the trauma of those events. Often, the therapy was slow and inefficient. Why? Because most it focused on the trauma. In some cases, it actually re-inforced the trauma!
Well guess what? The trauma itself is not the problem! The trauma itself is in the past. It is what we have left over from the trauma, in the present – with us still, that is the real problem.
Trauma causes pain. It is the pain that is the problem – when we suppress that pain (as a defensive or survival mechanism) into our subconscious, we create a blockage. That subconscious blockage is the problem – it is often the cause of mental and emotional anguish; inability to trust; difficulty in letting go / relaxing; blockages towards sex and relationships; and many other very serious problems. These problems often lock people into a very difficult and painful cycle of abuse which can seem hopeless. But it’s not!
The point is: the trauma itself: the actual abuse, IS NOT THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS – THE SUPPRESSED PAIN IS.
So, how can I help?
Well, I can help people to release that subconscious blockage – the suppressed pain – so that they can live their life FREE of the trauma of abuse. Not only that, but I can help them to strengthen their boundaries so that they no longer need to worry about being abused again. Because it’s a fact that people who are abused tend to get caught up in a cycle of abuse.
I met a woman who had 20 years of weekly psychotherapy sessions. She was constantly reliving the trauma of her childhood sexual abuse. Not only that – she had been abused in many ways, by many different people, throughout her adult life.
In one session of Reference Point Therapy (RPT), she freed herself from all of that.
Now, I am not promising that one session is always enough. Nor am I saying that other therapies don’t work – please don’t misunderstand me. I know that there are other good therapists and healers out there!
However, there is a new way which is very fast, very simple, and very efficient. And it’s particularly useful for people who have been sexually abused – because they don’t have to talk about the abuse. The abuse – the trauma itself – is not the problem. And that’s great, because one of the reasons why people in the past didn’t even go to see a counselor is that it’s embarrassing and painful talking about what happened.
When a Reference Point Therapist heals trauma, s/he doesn’t need to know much about the trauma itself – it’s the feelings (pain) that came up at that time that are the real cause of the problem. All the information I need is:
- what happened (abuse)
- roughly when it happened (i.e. – about 10 years old)