Ben Ralston

THE SINGLE BIGGEST EVENT IN YOUR LIFE

What is the most important event of your life?
– in terms of the impact that it had on your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual development.
Shall I tell you?


Your birth.


How, with whom, where and when, in what manner, and under what circumstances you were born are the most influential factors in the development of a human being…





Of course, everything in one’s life is important. Everything has a cause, or countless causes, as well as countless repercussions: because everything in this world is interconnected with everything else!


However, there is an ancient wisdom (in many cultures) stating that the manner in which something is begun, reflects the manner in which it will continue.
I have no doubt that the way we are born echoes through the rest of our life.


The reason I am thinking about this, investigating, researching, and now writing about it at the moment, is because my wife and I are looking into ways to birth our first child, due in November.


I have read some books about childbirth, seen some movies, met a doula, and visited a birth center. What I have found out is very, very interesting.


I will soon write an article giving you that information, because it has really affected me deeply. I now believe that the most important thing we can do for ourselves, our children, our society, and the Earth herself, is change the way we think about birth.


Why? Because most people these days are born in sterile, cold, bright, harsh, impatient, hurried, and unfriendly circumstances. Is it any wonder that our society is getting faster and faster, less and less friendly, more and more mechanical?


Is it possible that if we start birthing all our children naturally – slowly and gently, lovingly, with patience and without worry, that perhaps our society would also reflect that change?


I first started to think about all this several years ago when I heard Tony Samara explaining that Western medicine views birth as a ‘procedure’; whereas all ancient cultures used to view it as a sacred ceremony. That really got me thinking…


Recently, I had an experience in meditation in which I re-experienced my birth. I felt as if I was being pulled by the head so hard that my body would detach.
Later, I found out from my Mother that forceps were used to pull me out from her body.
I know, that experience, as I emerged for the first time into this world, shaped the pattern of addiction that affected me for several years.


In the next article about birthing, I will explain in detail what I believe were the consequences of that moment in my life; what we can all do to improve birthing in our society; and I will also tell you how you can see two movies about natural birth for free. These films are quite simply two of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen in my life, and I am looking forward to sharing them with you.


With love,
Ben


Do you have anything to say about this – perhaps you have experienced ‘rebirthing’ (which I haven’t); perhaps you have a different view towards childbirth? Please share with me and other readers by leaving a comment. Thank you!

HEALING: A personal example

WOW!

This morning I had a major breakthrough. I’m going to tell you how I:
– overcame a serious personal blockage;
– let go of an inherited fear that was preventing me from feeling great;
– paved the way for a much greater degree of success in my work.


I had been feeling ‘out of sorts’ for a few weeks now:
  • First of all I haven’t had much work, which means not much money – Eek! A month ago I had an average of six / seven clients a week. The last three weeks I’ve had one or two. If you’ve ever been self employed, with no one to pay your wages / sick leave / taxes / holidays etc. you’ll know what this feels like.
  • Secondly, I’ve been feeling kind of ‘foggy’ – unable to think clearly and unable to put my resolutions into action. In a word: incoherent. For example, I haven’t been able to write – even though I’ve been trying to write something every day, nothing has been coming out. Both my blog and my book have been neglected – typical example of writer’s block. Every time I tried to write something I felt that it was no good: I didn’t have the confidence to publish anything.
  • Thirdly, for the last three days I had a headache. Not a really bad headache – just one of those nagging, dull, annoying pains that just won’t go away; I was even waking up in the middle of the night with it.


All in all, I’ve been feeling pretty bad! So I knew something was wrong…
The trouble is that when you’re feeling ‘foggy’ and unable to think clearly it’s difficult to get to the bottom of the problem.

Yesterday I fasted on fruit (I plan to write an article on fasting) to clear my head. It worked. I woke up this morning feeling slightly better – headache gone – and decided to immediately work on whatever was causing me these problems.

(Something you need to know before we continue: my wife Petra and I are expecting our first child in November…)

As I felt into the problem, I began to feel something very deep and strong welling up inside me. I realized that I was harboring a deep fear of being a Father. It dawned on me that I felt completely unprepared for this huge undertaking: what if I don’t have what it takes to be a Father? What if I don’t have enough love to give to this new being? What if I cannot support the three of us, financially, emotionally, and spiritually? What if…
I was completely ‘stuck’, paralyzed with fear.

Deep down, I felt unworthy; incapable; and uprepared to be a Father.


Let me be clear: if someone had asked me if I was prepared to be a parent, I would have said yes! Absolutely, I can’t wait. I didn’t think that I would be a bad Dad. On the contrary, I knew that in many ways I would be a great Father.


But I felt the blockage on a deeply subconscious level.


Now to understand subconscious blockages and the healing of them, here comes the important part:
My higher consciousness was trying to bring this subconscious blockage to my attention so that I could deal with it, and let it go. So what actually happened is that I manifested headache, lack of abundance, and writer’s block in order to make myself stop everything and look deeply at the underlying problem: a subconscious resistance towards the BIG CHANGE that is fast approaching in my life.
Clever huh?!

Now, is it normal to feel apprehensive about being a Father for the first time?
Do other first time parents ‘get the fear’ about suddenly becoming completely responsible for another human being?
Is it ok to be uncertain about the biggest change one can ever face in life?
Absolutely – I’m sure many people go through the same thing! Change is part of life, and sometimes fear of change is also part of the territory.

Are there some people who don’t have this fear of being a parent for the first time – I’m sure there are. But I believe that we all, unless we’re fully enlightened, have some blockages like this. In fact, I believe that enlightenment is the state of being completely free of these blockages. So as we release them one by one, we gradually come closer and closer to our natural state of being, which is perfect.

Why did I have this particular blockage: well, I believe that the main reason is: my Grandfather died when my Father was just 6 years old: he didn’t have a Father himself, and had never learnt ‘how to do it’. I was his first child, and he wasn’t a confident Dad. In other words, I inherited it from him. (It has been proven scientifically – through epigenetics – that we inherit memory in our cells).

Why did I resist that fear for several weeks and take such a long time to deal with it – well, all I can say is that I’m still learning, and sometimes I find it easier healing other people than I do myself.

To summarize this story:
Having discovered the cause of my problem – a subconscious resistance to the upcoming changes in my life – I released it, relatively quickly and easily (the whole process took about 10 minutes). I simply acknowledged the previously subconscious association between that feeling of ‘PARALYSIS’ and CHANGE, and it vanished, taking all the fear, self doubt, and confusion with it.
Result: I’m writing again; my head is clear; and I am free from that nagging sense of “I’m not good enough”.
What a wonderful morning!

That’s healing folks: we all have subconscious associations, beliefs, and ideas that hold us back. Sometimes those blockages cause physical problems; sometimes they manifest as emotional or psychological issues – sometimes all three. Whatever the symptoms are, the cause is a lack of coherence due to subconscious blockage.

However, underneath the blockage there is a higher consciousness. That higher consciousness is divine; perfect, all-powerful – it is our essence. All we need to do is let go of the blockage, and let our ‘higher self’ do the rest. It really is easy, fun, and fast. This is a new paradigm for healing:

in the past, healing was thought to be complicated, expensive, and time-consuming. People thought that only ‘gifted’ people; perhaps ‘wounded’ healers, or ‘special ones’ could do it. It was thought to be something ‘magical’, or supernatural. But you know what?
Anyone can do it. The technique is simple (you can learn it in a couple of days) and the results are permanent!

It is written that Jesus said:

“…All these things, and greater, you shall do too…”

It seems that Jesus was prophesying a time in which ‘normal’ people would also be able to perform miracles.
I believe that time is now.


Would you like to learn for yourself how to release blockages and heal?
Do you agree that enlightenment is a state of ‘no blockages’?
Can you relate to being nervous about being a first time parent?
Please leave a comment!

HEALING the trauma of sexual abuse

It’s taboo. It makes us feel uncomfortable.
But the statistics are staggering: it is estimated that 25% of girls and 17% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18*.
The reason I want to write about this is that if you were abused, or if you know someone who was abused, I CAN HELP.


I am also one of those statistics: I was sexually abused by a teacher who became a ‘family friend’. From the age of 10 until about 16 I was repeatedly molested…


Sexual abuse causes us to feel small, powerless, weak, lonely, isolated, ashamed, guilty, and depressed. When it happens to a child there is a loss of innocence, a loss of trust, and a loss of openness. The results can be devastating…

I lived with the abuse for about 6 years. I lived with the consequences of that abuse for about 15 years before I told anyone. And that is what almost always happens – the abused child keeps quiet about it.


So many adults; people you know, have been abused as children, and have never told anyone. They live with that secret shame, guilt, and depression hidden deep in their subconscious. In my case it was so deeply hidden I had almost forgotten that it even happened! One day I suddenly remembered – “oh my God, I was sexually abused as a child!”


HOW CAN I HELP?


Until now, people who wanted to help themselves get over the consequences of abuse usually went to see a counsellor or a psychotherapist. They often had to spend many sessions, a lot of money, and a lot of time and energy reliving the trauma of those events. Often, the therapy was slow and inefficient. Why? Because most it focused on the trauma. In some cases, it actually re-inforced the trauma!
Well guess what? The trauma itself is not the problem! The trauma itself is in the past. It is what we have left over from the trauma, in the present – with us still, that is the real problem.
Trauma causes pain. It is the pain that is the problem – when we suppress that pain (as a defensive or survival mechanism) into our subconscious, we create a blockage. That subconscious blockage is the problem – it is often the cause of mental and emotional anguish; inability to trust; difficulty in letting go / relaxing; blockages towards sex and relationships; and many other very serious problems. These problems often lock people into a very difficult and painful cycle of abuse which can seem hopeless. But it’s not!


The point is: the trauma itself: the actual abuse, IS NOT THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS – THE SUPPRESSED PAIN IS.


So, how can I help?
Well, I can help people to release that subconscious blockage – the suppressed pain – so that they can live their life FREE of the trauma of abuse. Not only that, but I can help them to strengthen their boundaries so that they no longer need to worry about being abused again. Because it’s a fact that people who are abused tend to get caught up in a cycle of abuse.


I met a woman who had 20 years of weekly psychotherapy sessions. She was constantly reliving the trauma of her childhood sexual abuse. Not only that – she had been abused in many ways, by many different people, throughout her adult life.
In one session of Reference Point Therapy (RPT), she freed herself from all of that. 


Now, I am not promising that one session is always enough. Nor am I saying that other therapies don’t work – please don’t misunderstand me. I know that there are other good therapists and healers out there!
However, there is a new way which is very fast, very simple, and very efficient. And it’s particularly useful for people who have been sexually abused – because they don’t have to talk about the abuse. The abuse – the trauma itself – is not the problem. And that’s great, because one of the reasons why people in the past didn’t even go to see a counselor is that it’s embarrassing and painful talking about what happened.


When a Reference Point Therapist heals trauma, s/he doesn’t need to know much about the trauma itself – it’s the feelings (pain) that came up at that time that are the real cause of the problem. All the information I need is:

  • what happened (abuse)
  • roughly when it happened (i.e. – about 10 years old)
And that’s it. With that information, I guide the client to the feelings that were suppressed, and we release them!

Please, if you or anyone you know was affected by abuse of any kind, let them know about Reference Point Therapy. You can help break the cycle of abuse.
It’s not necessary to live in the shadow of the past. It’s actually possible to easily, gently, and quickly release any blockage – and to begin to live fully in the present moment, free of the effects of trauma.

For more information:


As always I welcome your comments, thoughts, and ideas.
Were you abused? Do you know someone that has been affected by abuse? Do you know any other way in which trauma can be so easily treated? Do you have any questions about RPT?
Please feel free to contribute – you can always do so anonymously.
And if you think that this article is useful, share it.

(*Statistics taken from the Darkness to Light website)

AUSTRIA, January 2010

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I lay awake for about an hour, all the time feeling a voice growing louder in my mind, urging me to get dressed and go outside for a walk. I resisted this for as long as I could (we are in Austria skiing, and it’s -5 outside, whereas my bed is pretty warm!) but eventually realized that this was no ordinary voice.

When I finally got outside, I walked for about a kilometer across the mountain. I could hardly see a thing. The ground was a blur of white; black trees on either side; few stars up above. I walked for about 30 minutes until I was suddenly and inexplicably compelled to sit.
I heard the forest around me, whispering in the wind. I saw the universe above me, cold and vast. I felt something indescribable watching me – compassionately. It was an animal of some kind, and I felt it’s intelligence; it’s patience; it’s absolute comfortable at-home-ness.
I sat there as an alien. Out of place, out of time. Every cell in my body was telling me that I shouldn’t be there – in a forest, in the dark, at 4 am.
I realized that we human beings have isolated ourselves so much from nature. We are trapped in our houses, in our cars, in our daily routines. We think that we are free, but we have imprisoned ourselves – our own jailers. We think that we are intelligent, but we are surely the laughing stock of the universe. We are at the top of the food chain, but live in tight little bubbles of terror and stress. There truly is an emergency on planet Earth. It is not about the desperate state of the environment. It is not about the 50 billion or so land animals that are produced and slaughtered each year by the meat industry. It is not about the proliferation of crime, poverty, disease, and war. These are all mere symptoms. It is about the terrible state of our human consciousness that has caused all this.

As I sat there, being watched by this creature without judgment, I felt such a sorrow for humankind welling up inside me that I began to cry.  I forgave myself for all of our crimes, and decided to continue doing what I am doing despite such hopelessness.
I will continue to advocate vegetarianism, knowing that every person who stops eating meat saves countless lives and suffering. I will continue to observe my mind, cleaning my consciousness bit by bit, in the hope that one day, my children may know absolute peace. I will continue to speak out, and to write, and to heal, and to teach, in the belief that “he who saves one man, saves all mankind” (as is written in the Koran).

And I will continue to walk in the night, knowing that only when I am comfortable there, will I be free in the daytime.