Ben Ralston

Get out feeling good. (The wise grieve neither for the living, nor for the dead.)

Jacques-Louis David, The Death of Marat, oil on canvas, 1793 (Royal Museum of Fine Arts, Brussels)

You probably think you are “(insert your name)”. You’re not – you can legally change your name, but you won’t have changed what you are – your name is just a handle with which the world is able to pick you up and examine you.
You probably think of yourself as either a man or a woman. You’re not. That is just a gender association that you make based upon the genetic choices that your cells made when your body was being formed biologically. You are only an association as long as you are not being the genuine article.
You probably think of yourself primarily as your body. Most people do…
You’re not your body anymore than you are your car!
When you sit in your car, you don’t say: “I am a Ford / Honda / Daewoo”! (At least, I hope you don’t). You probably say: “I’m driving my Daewoo”.
Your car is just a vehicle that transports you from A to B.
Your body is just a vehicle that transports you from A to B. A very beautiful, wonderful, miraculous vehicle, but a vehicle nonetheless.
You are not your body. This may sound strange to you until you consider the following: if you have an accident one day and the doctor has to amputate a leg or two, (let’s say for the sake of argument – all your limbs)… will you be any less you? No, you’ll be the same you, just without arms and legs.
You probably think of yourself as American (or Slovene, English… whatever nationality passport you carry). You are not. That is just a label that you were given. Labels limit you  – you are much more than a label.
You are not American any more than you are Christian, or Buddhist, or Jewish, or Muslim, or … insert any other religious / spiritual belief system. These are just labels that you identify with. The real you is beyond labels, beyond identification.
You are pure light (bear with me here if you’re allergic to new-age-isms – I am too! But this is truth…) You are all colors and no color. You are pure light.
You are pure light. You are pure consciousness. You are pure love.
What is pure light, consciousness, love? Are these just nice words; nice new-age concepts that are devoid of real meaning?
No! They seem that way sometimes because their meaning is so subtle… but love, light, and consciousness are the fundamental properties of existence!
‘In the beginning was the word’: Consciousness.
And God said, ‘let there be light’: Consciousness.
Pure consciousness is what you really are.
Pure consciousness is your essence.
Your body, emotions, and thoughts are simply waves of consciousness. All that you think you are – just waves of consciousness.
What you really are is pure consciousness.
Swami Vishnu Devananda used to say something every morning when he taught the Sivananda Yoga teacher training course. He used to ask the question:
“What is today?”
When I was asked this same question (by his disciple Swami Mahadevananda), I replied ‘Monday’.
He said ‘No’. And waited.
‘5th February?’
‘No’. Long pause.
‘Your birthday?!’
Smile. ‘No. It’s another day closer to death’.
Today is another day closer to death.
Death is coming. Sooner or later it will catch up with you… how will you feel in that moment?
Will you be afraid? Sad? Regretful?
Will you be joyful? Excited? Will you celebrate?!
What dies is only the body. We do not die. Just as it is written in the Bhagavad Gita:
“The wise grieve neither for the living nor for the dead.
Nor at any time indeed was I not, nor these rulers of men, nor verily shall we ever cease to be hereafter.
Just as in this body the embodied (soul) passes into childhood, youth and old age, so also does he pass into another body; the firm man does not grieve thereat…
…The unreal hath no being; there is no non-being of the Real; the truth about both has been seen by the knowers of the Truth.
Know That to be indestructible, by whom all this is pervaded. None can cause the destruction of That, the Imperishable.
Weapons cut It not, fire burns It not, water wets It not, wind dries It not.
This Self cannot be cut, burnt, wetted nor dried up. It is eternal, all-pervading, stable, ancient and immovable.”
So, the job, the house, the ‘stuff’. All the places we direct our attention: how important are they? You can’t take any of it with you.
At that final moment, when you are about to leave this body, the only thing that will matter is how you feel. That is important. You won’t be thinking about your bank balance, or your mortgage, or the news, or any of the other things that take up so much of our time these days.
You will be aware only of how you feel.
My advice: get out feeling good (without regret; without sadness; without fear).
Because perhaps death is just the first step of the next part of your journey, and the first step of any journey is a big one.
Get out feeling good.
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‘The Emptiness’ and feeling empty (two very different things)

  
There is a feeling that many people experience. It’s like a sense that there is something missing – inside oneself.
And there is an experience that can be attained through direct perception.
Both of these things may be called ‘emptiness’, but they should not be confused.
The feeling of emptiness inside oneself is a symptom of a deep malaise. It has often been attributed to depression, and rightly so. However, I have found through my work that it stems (the root cause) from certain kinds of abuse trauma that damage one’s self-esteem.
To illustrate this, I’ll give a ‘real life’ example…

Actually, this example is a very good one, because it represents what I consider to be the most common, and perhaps the most damaging (although also the least recognized) form of abuse: emotional neglect.
A child is born utterly dependent and vulnerable. She enters this world with very few needs: physical security (food, water, oxygen, physical warmth) and love (attention and emotional warmth).
Very soon she sees that her parents are able to do a vast array of things – they provide for all of her physical needs; they move around and communicate effortlessly; they cause miracles to happen spontaneously (light, fire, water… all appear to be under their power).
So naturally, the child feels that these two beings are as Gods. They seem all powerful, and she depends on them entirely (not to mention – they created her!)
But very soon, something strange begins to happen.
Days go by and she doesn’t see the God (he’s a busy man and works dusk ‘til dawn). Although she would dearly love to see him, he apparently does not feel the same way (after all: if he did, he would – he is all powerful!)
And perhaps even when he is present physically, he somehow is not really present. His attention is not fully with her. And she feels (deeply subconsciously in her child’s mind):
“What is wrong with me that my Father does not see me? What am I missing?”
She truly feels that an important part of her is missing – some beauty, or some power, or something precious. And where that missing part should be, is only emptiness.
That feeling of emptiness is incredibly painful – because it is related not only to the emotional relationship with parents, but also to our very survival: if a child is not worthy of love, who will save her when she needs saving? How will she survive the many years of dependence that are to come?
The feeling is in fact so painful that it cannot be accepted: as a defense mechanism we resist it by suppressing it (into our subconscious) where it remains as a blockage, until healed. Subconsciously we continue to feel empty.
So the child grows up feeling unworthy of true love; unworthy of abundant happiness, health, and success.
This, or a variation of it, is what causes very many of us to have low self esteem: a parent’s (or both parents’) inattention; absence; or inability to express love.
***
The other kind of emptiness is not a feeling: it is a reality.
When we develop beyond independence to inter-dependence; when we see things as they truly are rather than projecting our own selfish desires, needs, and fears onto them; when we acquire enough energy and personal power to elevate our awareness beyond the mundane… then we perceive the true essence of reality – and it is emptiness.
Void.
Nothingness.
(Nothingness and emptiness are not the same. But Nothingness is part of emptiness. This was expressed most concisely and most beautifully in my opinion by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj when he said:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,
Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.”
When everything is one, then nothing is separate, and the something that we thought we were disappears. This is transcendence; it is also frightening to someone who has not yet developed a strong sense of self.
You see, ‘in order to be spiritual, we must first be human’.
My wife taught me these wise words.
Too many people are turning their backs on their material selves: their bodies; their physical needs’; their animal nature.
Let me tell you something: nothing is not spiritual.  Everything IS spiritual. Yes, even money. Sex. Death. Disease. Depression.
I used to think that spirituality was the opposite of materialism – that was my definition. However, I have learnt that there is no difference between the two. They are two sides of the same coin. The same way that nothing, and everything, are two sides of the coin of emptiness.
If you are trying to be spiritual you are not being yourself. We all have material needs.
Don’t spend many years (as I did) trying to transcend materialism. It doesn’t work. You might have a transcendent moment, but you’ll still have to be back in time for dinner (or work Monday morning).
Instead, focus on balancing your spirit with its physical, material reality.
This is what has come to be known as being-ness.
Don’t chase after oneness – after all, it will find you (when you die)! Instead, use your time in this world to integrate your full being-ness.
I’ll end with a personal anecdote – a true story.
When I was a child, I had a recurring dream; a nightmare. I was floating in space, utterly alone. I could wave my arms and legs, but there was no way of moving anywhere – I was weightless, with no momentum. Lost, alone, and powerless.
In the far distance there was a tiny speck of something. I had no idea what it was, but it felt like a toilet (odd, I know). So I was lost and alone and powerless, and apart from the stars and myself, there was only a toilet-like object in my field of awareness. The over-riding sensation was one of total desolation.
I had this dream many times all through my youth, until in my twenties it faded and I forgot about it.
Then, a few years ago I was in a meditation led by Tony Samara. I had a series of very powerful visions (which I won’t go into here – another blog, another time) but one of these visions was my old dream: I am floating in space, a toilet-like speck in the distance. Only I don’t feel alone any more. In fact, I don’t feel any sense of separation between myself and the toilet and the stars and the empty space. Rather, I feel myself as all of that – I am the emptiness in between! And tears flood my eyes and pour down my face, because I realize deeply that I Am That.
To say that this was a beautiful meditation would be an understatement: it transformed my life.
The purpose of my writing this is threefold:
1.  I want to highlight the two different kinds of emptiness: one can be a sign of progress; the other is something that inhibits progress, yet can be healed.
2.   I am promoting my work: I heal blockages, very successfully.
3.  I want more people to understand and realize deeply that spiritual progress depends upon material stability. We must accept ourselves and love ourselves fully as individuals before there will ever be any peace amongst us on this Earth.

So, help me achieve all three of these more fully by ‘liking’ (Facebook), sharing, and of course, I’d love you to leave a comment!

How healing, therapy, and personal development just became super-fast, and easy!







Until quite recently the accepted view was that therapy takes time (not to mention money).


Now, for real inner transformation, only a few sessions (with an expert) are needed. Sometimes only one!
How is this possible?
Well, therapy evolved. It used to be psychological, or emotional, or ‘energy’ oriented. The problem with these approaches is that the root cause is (very often) not healed: because the cause of our problems is rarely, if ever, head, or heart, or energy based.
The root cause is almost always a deeply subconscious association that relates to survival, safety, or sexuality.
And that means it relates to the gut…






When you work on an issue (whether it’s a physical symptom or an emotional problem, or depression – whatever!), if you find the deepest feeling associated with that problem, and release it from the subconscious, the issue will usually just fall away. (It’s a little more complicated than that – sometimes there are other factors to consider – such as secondary gain – but essentially, it is that simple).


You always feel the deepest feeling associated with the problem in the gut, because that is our center; it’s where our survival issues originate.


The reason it’s so easy is that you are not your problems. Your issues are just ‘stuff’ that you carry around with you. Yes, baggage.


Another analogy is clothing: You are not the clothes you wear. You just wear or carry them. As easy as it is to drop a piece of clothing, so it is simple to release your blockages.


What are you then, if not your ‘stuff’?


Your stuff is just a part of your ‘story’. You can keep on telling your story, and holding onto your blockages, for as long as you like. But when the time comes that you’ve had enough of that, and would like to be genuinely, deeply happy and successful, then you can quickly and easily let it all go.


Because what you really are is pure consciousness. Pure consciousness is what the ancient yogis referred to as Satchitananda – pure existence, consciousness, and bliss.


The essence of everything is pure consciousness. It’s simply the creative power in the universe. It has also been called God; spirit; Tao… there are many names.


When we stop experiencing the joy and love of pure consciousness, it’s because our perception and experience of our own essential nature are blocked. Almost all of us have blockages, because our society is pretty badly flawed.


The good news is that it’s changing, and you can change too. If you want to experience deep inner peace; joy; bliss… if you would like to heal your blockages so that your life, and the lives of your children, can be better, get in touch.


Yes, this is shameless self-promotion, but I’m not a corporate banker. I am a healer. So I’m not in the least ashamed of promoting my work, because I love it, and I know that it is a powerful tool for inner transformation.


My therapy is based on the alternative healing technique of Reference Point Therapy, which I also teach. You can find the RPT website here, the RPT blog here.


Inner transformation and powerful personal development no longer takes ages, costs a fortune, or has to be difficult.


When you’re ready to change, the change can now come very easily. It’s also fast and fun!


I know a lot of people will be skeptical about this. It seems too good to be true. However, I ask you, if you are skeptical, to keep an open mind. Look into it. You can start with my testimonials page on my website, which is just a selection of the many clients I’ve seen who’ve had amazingly fast results.


Whatever you think, I’d love to know. Leave a comment – can healing really be fast and lasting? Or am I just another snake oil salesman?! Do you have any specific questions about this technique, or how it works? I’ll be happy to answer them…


Oh, and while you’re at it, hit the facebook ‘like’ button so that together we can let as many people as possible know that life is meant to be fun!

Heal yourself; heal the world

This article is a continuation of my series on healing. Healing to me is the same thing as personal development and spirituality: it means to bring balance to the self in order to live one’s highest potential. It must embrace every aspect of the person in order to be successful and lasting: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Today I had an email from a client that I worked with last month. I had two sessions with her over skype, and… well, I’m going to let these emails speak for themselves!
Subject
Healing
Sender
Recipient
Date
12.11.2010 16:28
“Hello Ben,
… I really struggle with stomach/digestive issues and have
been struggling for at least 15 plus years… as well as eating disorders (binge/overeating to be specific current day).
I have severe constipation (have tried almost every natural remedy to help but no relief).
I have been to numerous healers and therapists in attempt to heal myself.
I have completely changed my way of eating for the better within the past few years (still have major digestive issues).
I need your help. Many healers have told me that I hold most of my issues in my stomach/gut/intestines, which happens to be where the physical symptoms present themselves. It just seems that I have tried so many things and spent so much time and money and still do not feel as good as I believe I should or can.
I am striving for complete healing and feel that it is possible. I struggle with feeling hopeless because nothing seems to be working.
My stomach issues affect me on so many levels… emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually etc and I feel so desperate to get better…”
So, to summarize: this client, who I will call M, had a 15-year history of eating disorders, digestive problems, severe constipation, and the consequent feelings of hopelessness.
Compare the above email to this one, which I received from M today (note: my second and last session with her was 20th December, a month ago):
Subject
Hi Ben
Sender
Recipient
Date
Today 03:51
Hi Ben,
… I have been doing so well. Feeling better than I ever have. I am hesitant to even speak about it but at the same time so thankful and want to be aware and keep recognizing the positive changes that have occurred so far. I often find myself saying I can’t believe I feel as good as I do…
For the first time I feel hopeful and not stuck (like we talked about). I actually feel freer than I ever have. I haven’t had out of control cravings; I have been eating balanced meals… making better choices. I feel that I have been way calmer, balanced and am handling things better lately than I have in the past. I go to bed satisfied … and I wake up in no pain!
I have been going to the bathroom pretty regularly for me (maybe not for someone else but great for me!). Overall, I feel so so so much better and am still in shock about it all. So hard to believe I feel good, I am trying to trust that this is the way it is supposed to be and will be. I am trying to also remember that I am allowed to feel this good and it is my God given right to feel this way. I have had days where things have not been so great (my mood mostly or over eating) but I am able to work through those days and episodes a lot differently than I had before. I have a ways to go with what goes through my head and my eating/body issues but I am progressing! I feel that the work that we did has left me much more balanced and is helping me live rather than exist. I feel happier, I am allowing myself to feel.
Thank you again…”
I don’t know what to add!
This is the perfect example of a person who had problems (don’t we all?) but also had a sincere desire to take responsibility for those problems, and do something about it. In that situation, I can help, and it’s my great pleasure to do so!
I love to do this work because I know from my own experience that when we heal ourselves, we also heal our children: we make the world a better place for the generations to come.


Humanity is like a tree. If you want to take care of a plant, you nourish its roots. We, here and now, are the roots. The branches, flowers, and fruits will come later. We must take care of the roots now, so that the tree can grow beautiful and healthy and strong. That’s the intention behind this work.
It’s worth noting that M’s problems were both physical and emotional. Reference Point Therapy is a technique that works with consciousness itself: since our emotions and body are both simply expressions of our underlying consciousness, this work can help any problem.
What do you think – is it possible that an alternative healing modality can be so powerful? Do you have any experience of RPT yourself? Please share your opinion / experience by leaving a comment… and also give a facebook ‘like’, or share the article. Spread the love!
With love
Ben

Introducing a true spiritual master: Tony Samara

Some people talk of the world ending in 2012 – personally I think that’s nonsense. The world won’t end; but our world just might, unless we evolve human consciousness from the fear mentality that currently pervades, to a new paradigm of love.

I have always had this feeling, this vision (and it has not faded) since I was a child. Indeed, as I have grown older, it has been re-affirmed.

Swami Vishnu Devananda founded the Sivananda Yoga teacher-training course because he had a vision during meditation of the world burning; human beings running around in chaos and fear and desperation. He created that yoga teacher-training course not so much to train yoga teachers as to train world leaders. He recognized that moral, ethical, and spiritual leadership throughout society would prompt change at a ‘grassroots’ level: the change that is necessary to avoid the kind of disaster we may be facing now.

When I learnt of this – as I took the teacher-training myself – I was deeply moved. I silently vowed to do all I could to become the kind of leader that Swami Vishnu envisioned. I did this not only out of love for him (although I never met him – he died in 1993, the year I discovered yoga – I have always felt a tremendous loyalty and love towards him). I did it also because I resonated with his vision, and because I love this Earth, this home that we all share; upon which we float together through space, and towards our shared destiny.

So my work for many years now has been about making a difference. My work as a therapist, healer, and teacher; running yoga retreats and healing holidays; and indeed everything I write; all comes from a heartfelt urge to create a more positive human society.

Today, I begin to do something more.

Today I tell you about a spiritual teacher called Tony Samara…
I call myself a spiritual teacher from time to time – I don’t mean, and have never meant to imply, that I am a guru, or that I am enlightened. Like many, I have tasted the bliss of self-realization but have not been able to sustain it.
Tony Samara is different. I have never met anyone like him, and believe me: I have searched; and I am not easily led.
He is endlessly patient, yet utterly intent.

He is simultaneously deeply compassionate and ruthlessly detached.

He is powerful – miracles seem to happen around him all the time – but his power is matched by a deep humility and gentleness.
I invite you to watch the following video. Made by those students closest to Tony, it is stunningly beautiful. However, the most beautiful aspect of it, for me, is simply Tony’s voice. I invite you to listen to his voice, feel his energy, and consider his words.
If you feel drawn to his teachings, know that there is no dogma or doctrine. He teaches a path of simplicity, and is himself a family man – he has four children.
You can find out more about him on this website, and tune in, for free, to his live Satsang at 17.00 UCT every wednesday. You may also view many of his previous Satsangs, and other videos, at the video archive accessed from the same page.
I will write more articles promoting Tony’s work: how I met him (and the amazing impact that simple moment had on me!); how other people met him; some of my personal experiences whilst being guided by him in meditation; how he has visited me (and others) in dreams.
For now, please enjoy this beautiful video!
With love, Ben