Ben Ralston

3 impossible true stories (and 1 way to feel more like God).

Thinks he’s an otter…

There have been times when I’ve felt so bad I’ve wanted the Earth to swallow me up. Times when, if I’d had one wish, I would not have wished for more money or time or power; I’d have wished to disappear in a puff of smoke.
And there was a time when I very, very nearly killed myself.
We’re all human, which is to say, we all have the capacity to experience tremendous pain. I’m talking about emotional pain here, but the same goes for physical…
I think it was Primo Levi who said something like:
“A human is an animal that can adapt to any circumstances”.
I once watched a documentary called “The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off”. It was about a boy with a rare disease – his skin fell off his body every few days. His skin kept falling off all the time. His parents had to bandage him up, and he lived with that pain day in, day out, his whole life. In the end, he died of skin cancer.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much, or been so moved, as I did and was by that movie. That boy’s courage and dignity will remain with me, always. You can watch it here. You will be moved and shaken and inspired.
I wrote recently about feeling like an Ant. And about feeling like God.
To me, the difference between the two is just all about where we place our attention (and where we place our attention is the greatest sign of our intelligence)…

So I want to share with you a great way to shift your attention from the mundane, painful, ant-like aspects of life, towards God:
It’s called synchronicity.
Some people call it co-incidence, but I like to say that there is no such thing as co-incidence. Others call it luck, and I like to say that we make our own luck, and one of the ways in which I’ve made mine (and I’m one of the luckiest people in the history of luck) is by doing what I’m about to tell you about.
Actually, a better word than synchronicity is perhaps ‘miracle’. Because although mathematicians would be able to work out the odds of some of the things I’m about to tell you about happening; and although they might say that there is a billion to one chance; I’d say that it’s simply impossible. So it’s a miracle.
For example:
In 1999 I was reading a book about synchronicity.
I was living in a shabby little room in a big shabby house in Stoke Newington, London. For those of you that don’t know London, that’s very close to where the recent riots all kicked off.
The room I was in had one thing going for it – it overlooked a small park (I think it was called Stoke Newington Green).
And one morning, as I was making myself breakfast, I was thinking about the head-on car crash I’d had when I was 18 yrs old, when I’d only seconds earlier put on my seat belt (in itself, a kind of synchronicity). I never used to wear my seat belt, but that day, and I don’t know why, I did. It might have saved my life. It certainly prevented any injury, and the other guy wasn’t so lucky…
Anyway, I’m standing there making my breakfast and remembering that car crash, when suddenly I hear an almighty KRUNSCH. I look out the window, and across the other side of the park, two cars have just collided. This blew my mind. But it’s not the punchline.
The very next day, standing there making myself breakfast again, thinking about the previous days synchronicity… KRUNSCH. I look out the window, and in exactly the same spot, two cars have collided.
Impossible.
When I was working as an actor I had no work. I was a terrible actor. So one day I had to go out and get myself a job, and after walking around London literally all day without success, I told myself: “One more”.
I walked into one more bar and asked if they needed a barman. The girl behind the bar (full of piercings and tats, with a shaved head, and a ton of attitude) said ‘no’, at the same time as a guy appeared from the stockroom. As I turned to leave, thoroughly dejected, he called out:
“Wait a minute, we might be looking for someone”.
So I sat down for a coffee with him and had an interview.
While we were talking I noticed a photo of two naked men walking down the beach away from camera, hand in hand. Then I noticed that my interviewer had a handlebar moustache and a leather waistcoat. Then I noticed the girl behind the bar again, and all the other very obvious signs that I was in a gay bar.
The owner – the guy interviewing me – was called Robin. He owned the place with two other guys, Gordon (his boyfriend) and Guy (his best friend).
On the wall, above the photo, was a metal sign:
The Back Bar.
As I clocked the photo on the wall, Robin asked me:
“Is it a problem for you, working in a gay bar?”
I thought about it for a moment. I couldn’t find any reason why it should be a problem.
“No”, I said.
And so I worked there for a year. It was a great year. I loved almost every minute of it. And a tip for any single young straight men out there: working in a gay bar is a great way to meet girls. Trust me.
A few years later, and a few weeks after the double car crash synchronicity, I was in a rehearsal studio with my band (I was the drummer). As we left the studio, we were all talking about what a terrible drummer I was. I was worse at drumming than I was at acting. I’d been thinking for a while about drum lessons, and just as I was thinking about it again, we walked past the door of one of the other studios… and heard the most amazing drum solo. There was someone in there playing the drums like I’d never heard the drums played before. We all stopped. I had to go in there. It couldn’t be a co-incidence.
So I went in there. I slowly opened the door and saw this young guy playing the kit as if it was a part of him. He was amazing. But the most amazing part of it all, and the reason I stood there with my mouth wide open for a while even after he stopped playing – on the wall, above his head, was a metal sign:
The Back Bar.
Impossible.
When I moved to Slovenia, my (now) wife and I talked a lot about getting a dog. We had both always had dogs around us, but right then we were a little afraid of the doggy responsibility. Now we have a dog, two cats, and a baby, and I’m still afraid of responsibility …
So we were thinking of getting a dog for 2 years, and it went like this:
“Let’s get a dog?”
“Yay!”
“Hang on, what about the responsibility…”
“You’re right, forget it.”
One day we were out walking in the hills and the same conversation came up. And this time my wife said:
“Let’s ask the universe what we should do”.
I’d never heard of this ‘ask the universe’ concept (sounded a little too ‘New Age’ for me to be honest), but we did it. We put this question out there to the universe, and simply waited for the answer.
We didn’t have to wait long…
After the walk, we were heading into town. We got into the car, and my wife was fiddling with the radio. Our usual radio station wasn’t available, and she was trying to find another channel.
Suddenly (on Slovene radio) an English voice said:
“And now, from 1966, ‘I Love My Dog’ by Cat Stevens”.
It’s a cool song (“all the pay I need comes shining through his eyes”).
“That’s it, that’s the sign, we’re getting a dog!”
In town we saw a poster. A woman’s dog had had puppies. When we got there, only one puppy was left. His name:
Ben.
Impossible.
We renamed that puppy Jai.
Jai on dry land
I could go on and on giving examples of synchronicities, or miracles, that have happened to me. On and on and on. Because the more open you are to them, the more you see them. They happen all the time. Life is a long succession of miracles. You are a miracle.
So here’s what to do: be open to miracles. Keep an eye out for synchronicities. Because when things like this happen, you stop feeling like a helpless little ant, and you realize that you are part of a much bigger picture. You stop and say ‘wow’.
Just WOW.
That’s impossible.


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‘The Emptiness’ and feeling empty (two very different things)

  
There is a feeling that many people experience. It’s like a sense that there is something missing – inside oneself.
And there is an experience that can be attained through direct perception.
Both of these things may be called ‘emptiness’, but they should not be confused.
The feeling of emptiness inside oneself is a symptom of a deep malaise. It has often been attributed to depression, and rightly so. However, I have found through my work that it stems (the root cause) from certain kinds of abuse trauma that damage one’s self-esteem.
To illustrate this, I’ll give a ‘real life’ example…

Actually, this example is a very good one, because it represents what I consider to be the most common, and perhaps the most damaging (although also the least recognized) form of abuse: emotional neglect.
A child is born utterly dependent and vulnerable. She enters this world with very few needs: physical security (food, water, oxygen, physical warmth) and love (attention and emotional warmth).
Very soon she sees that her parents are able to do a vast array of things – they provide for all of her physical needs; they move around and communicate effortlessly; they cause miracles to happen spontaneously (light, fire, water… all appear to be under their power).
So naturally, the child feels that these two beings are as Gods. They seem all powerful, and she depends on them entirely (not to mention – they created her!)
But very soon, something strange begins to happen.
Days go by and she doesn’t see the God (he’s a busy man and works dusk ‘til dawn). Although she would dearly love to see him, he apparently does not feel the same way (after all: if he did, he would – he is all powerful!)
And perhaps even when he is present physically, he somehow is not really present. His attention is not fully with her. And she feels (deeply subconsciously in her child’s mind):
“What is wrong with me that my Father does not see me? What am I missing?”
She truly feels that an important part of her is missing – some beauty, or some power, or something precious. And where that missing part should be, is only emptiness.
That feeling of emptiness is incredibly painful – because it is related not only to the emotional relationship with parents, but also to our very survival: if a child is not worthy of love, who will save her when she needs saving? How will she survive the many years of dependence that are to come?
The feeling is in fact so painful that it cannot be accepted: as a defense mechanism we resist it by suppressing it (into our subconscious) where it remains as a blockage, until healed. Subconsciously we continue to feel empty.
So the child grows up feeling unworthy of true love; unworthy of abundant happiness, health, and success.
This, or a variation of it, is what causes very many of us to have low self esteem: a parent’s (or both parents’) inattention; absence; or inability to express love.
***
The other kind of emptiness is not a feeling: it is a reality.
When we develop beyond independence to inter-dependence; when we see things as they truly are rather than projecting our own selfish desires, needs, and fears onto them; when we acquire enough energy and personal power to elevate our awareness beyond the mundane… then we perceive the true essence of reality – and it is emptiness.
Void.
Nothingness.
(Nothingness and emptiness are not the same. But Nothingness is part of emptiness. This was expressed most concisely and most beautifully in my opinion by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj when he said:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,
Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.”
When everything is one, then nothing is separate, and the something that we thought we were disappears. This is transcendence; it is also frightening to someone who has not yet developed a strong sense of self.
You see, ‘in order to be spiritual, we must first be human’.
My wife taught me these wise words.
Too many people are turning their backs on their material selves: their bodies; their physical needs’; their animal nature.
Let me tell you something: nothing is not spiritual.  Everything IS spiritual. Yes, even money. Sex. Death. Disease. Depression.
I used to think that spirituality was the opposite of materialism – that was my definition. However, I have learnt that there is no difference between the two. They are two sides of the same coin. The same way that nothing, and everything, are two sides of the coin of emptiness.
If you are trying to be spiritual you are not being yourself. We all have material needs.
Don’t spend many years (as I did) trying to transcend materialism. It doesn’t work. You might have a transcendent moment, but you’ll still have to be back in time for dinner (or work Monday morning).
Instead, focus on balancing your spirit with its physical, material reality.
This is what has come to be known as being-ness.
Don’t chase after oneness – after all, it will find you (when you die)! Instead, use your time in this world to integrate your full being-ness.
I’ll end with a personal anecdote – a true story.
When I was a child, I had a recurring dream; a nightmare. I was floating in space, utterly alone. I could wave my arms and legs, but there was no way of moving anywhere – I was weightless, with no momentum. Lost, alone, and powerless.
In the far distance there was a tiny speck of something. I had no idea what it was, but it felt like a toilet (odd, I know). So I was lost and alone and powerless, and apart from the stars and myself, there was only a toilet-like object in my field of awareness. The over-riding sensation was one of total desolation.
I had this dream many times all through my youth, until in my twenties it faded and I forgot about it.
Then, a few years ago I was in a meditation led by Tony Samara. I had a series of very powerful visions (which I won’t go into here – another blog, another time) but one of these visions was my old dream: I am floating in space, a toilet-like speck in the distance. Only I don’t feel alone any more. In fact, I don’t feel any sense of separation between myself and the toilet and the stars and the empty space. Rather, I feel myself as all of that – I am the emptiness in between! And tears flood my eyes and pour down my face, because I realize deeply that I Am That.
To say that this was a beautiful meditation would be an understatement: it transformed my life.
The purpose of my writing this is threefold:
1.  I want to highlight the two different kinds of emptiness: one can be a sign of progress; the other is something that inhibits progress, yet can be healed.
2.   I am promoting my work: I heal blockages, very successfully.
3.  I want more people to understand and realize deeply that spiritual progress depends upon material stability. We must accept ourselves and love ourselves fully as individuals before there will ever be any peace amongst us on this Earth.

So, help me achieve all three of these more fully by ‘liking’ (Facebook), sharing, and of course, I’d love you to leave a comment!

Beautiful video, real message

So, I came across this video over at Elephant Journal. It’s a beautiful message presented in a very clever and interesting way. It made my hair stand up on end, and brought a tear to my eye. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

First watch the movie, then read on…


***

It’s a fact that:

  • in our society, more people get divorced than stay together.
  • the numbers of those on medication for depression are increasing.
  • we have a culture of greed and corruption that fools many people into chasing material aspirations before working on their inner development.
  • many parents have to work, or feel they have to work, whilst at home their children are starved of the love they need as much, if not more than, food and water.
  • our society is fast losing all sense of community. In place of physical, local community, we are left with ‘virtual’ community, which while useful, is not a substitute for the real thing.
  • this IS a quick fix society. Headache? pill. Hungry? microwave. Dirty clothes? Washing machine… are we happier now that we have more time? No. Do we really have more time..?!
  • people generally feel very, very dis-empowered, hence the scale of political apathy that we see now.
  • environmental destruction is widespread. The eco-system is in a big mess. Why? Because it’s a reflection of human (un)consciousness.
That’s why I write, teach, and do the work that I do. The intention behind all my work is to inspire and motivate people towards inner transformation and personal empowerment. That’s what healing is.
When we all achieve inner peace; love ourselves; and realize the absolute interdependence of the whole universe;
then we will reverse it. We heal the world as we heal ourselves.
BE the change you wish to see in the world.

Please leave me a message! Let me know what you think…