Ben Ralston

EGO 2 – don’t fight it!

Ok, so in the first article on ego (EGO 1) I said that the ego is not real. I said that ego is really an illusion. I also said that “much of the spiritual ‘work’ that many people do and have done for many years, is almost a waste of time.”

I have to qualify my statement that the ego is not real. So first, I need to speak about reality:


Reality is subjective. But it’s also absolute!
What do I mean?
I mean that there is a subjective reality, and an absolute reality.
Two people experience one event and remember differently what happened – memory is subjective. But it doesn’t mean that two different things happened does it? It means that in reality, experience is subjective.
The reason for this subjectivity is that we don’t experience reality as it is – we filter it. We have a filter between the world and our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It literally filters the information that comes to us from the outside world.


If you have never heard of a car called a Saab before, then you don’t see Saabs. As soon as you hear of it – as soon as it enters your awareness, you begin to see them!
How is this possible? One minute (in your experience) the car doesn’t exist – the next minute they’re everywhere!!…




It’s because there are literally billions of pieces of information EVERY SECOND coming to our attention. We simply cannot process all of them. So we filter out the ones that don’t serve us. This is the job of the RAS – basically it simplifies things for us.


So it begs the question: can we ever experience reality non-subjectively? Can we ever know the world AS IT IS, rather than as we THINK it is.


I said that the ego is not real.
Well, it IS real – it is real in a subjective, relative way, that depends on our previous experience. It shapes and conditions our present experience of life, so it has a real influence. But that influence prevents us from knowing the world as it REALLY is.


The RAS and ego are highly interconnected. They both simplify our experience of the world – something that has been necessary for our evolution, probably even our survival as a species. However, if we want to know reality – I mean, if we want to know the absolute truth; the absolute reality that underlies all of existence, we have to go beyond subjective, relative truth. We have to have a strong desire to let go of all that we think we know, all that we think we are, all that we think we see, and surrender to the vast emptiness of naive innocence and humble ignorance.
Is there anything more terrifying? I don’t think so…
Is there anything more worthwile?…


ENLIGHTENMENT. Over the ages there have always been people who have told us that there is another possibility in life: that there is something called enlightenment or self-realisation; that it the true experience of absolute reality.
When Buddha was asked the difference between himself and an ordinary person, he stated:
“I am awake”.


The difference is in where we put our attention. You can choose to put your attention on what you already know, think, and believe, thereby reinforcing and strengthening those thoughts and beliefs (and strengthening the illusion that is the ego). Or you can practice being completely open. Letting go of all that you think you know, and surrendering.
After all, whatever it is that we think we know, we are probably wrong!


As long as we struggle to destroy, crush, defeat, or ‘kill’ our egos we miss the point. It’s like fighting with your own shadow. The ego is there. It has an impact on us. But the more attention we give it, the more power it has.
I have known people who have suppressed many aspects of themselves in order to combat the ego. For example, renouncing sensory pleasure like sex, chocolate, and other kinds of ‘goodies’. In my opinion, they cause themselves a lot of unnecessary suffering. If you want to be happy, joyful, and at peace, why fight?! That’s what I meant when I said that a lot of people waste a lot of time fighting with the ego in the name of ‘spiritual practice’. Why fight with yourself?


Buddha said:
“There is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way”.
Be happy. Don’t fight with yourself. Especially with your shadow – the ego. If you feel something, whether it’s anger, joy, or conviction, use that feeling to get to know yourself more deeply. Knowing yourself more deeply is the only way.
Buddha’s last words to his students were:
“Be a light unto thyself”.


That’s where it’s at.

EGO 1 – What is ego?

I want to talk about ego, and whether or not it is real. This will be a series of articles. First, we’ll discuss ‘What Is Ego?’
In the next article we’ll talk about the implications – namely, that much of the spiritual ‘work’ that many people do and have done (including myself) for many years, is almost a waste of time.
It’s a complex subject, so I will try to keep it as simple as I possibly can. I also want to keep it interesting, so that you stay with me to the end!


The reason I want to write about this now is that I see so many people struggling with what they think is ego – so many people get caught up in the idea that we have an ego, and that we have to ‘conquer’ it, and that it’s difficult. This is simply giving power to the thing which they think are fighting with!
My belief is that the ego is nothing. It doesn’t exist. It’s not real. It’s just a mistaken belief that we get caught up in, and because we get caught up in it, we fight it, and the more we fight it, the more real it seems… like being caught in a net – the more you struggle, the more you get caught up…

I was prompted to write this by a discussion on Simon Rose’s blog. ( Simon is the creator of Reference Point Therapy – the alternative healing method )
First I want to define ego. What exactly IS ego?
Ego is that which we identify with – what we think of as ‘I’.
So when I say:
“I am Ben”, or “I am an Englishman”, or “I am a man”, it’s my ego speaking.
Let me explain…
Of course my name is Ben. It’s what people call me, it’s what I call myself. But AM I BEN? Is that really what I am? Or am I much more than the label?


Of course my body was born in England – my Mother gave birth to me there. But am I right in labelling myself as English? Of course legally, my passport, my background etc… all makes me English to an extent. But surely my true nationality, if I look at the ‘BIG PICTURE’, is not so easy to define.
For example, I have lived in many countries. At the moment, I live in Slovenia. Why should I not say I am Slovene.
Or why should I not simply say, “I am an Earthling”… 
Because by stating that I am English, I cut myself off, I make myself different from all people who are not English. And this has been a big problem in the past – this issue of nationality has caused wars!


And if I say “I am a man” – even this statement is not wholly accurate. Biologically, I am of course a man. But biology is only one aspect of me. Body is nothing without emotions, thoughts, instincts, deeper feelings, intuition, reasoning, senses… and so on. Every man has feminine aspects – and every woman has a masculine side to her. So it would be more accurate to state:
“I have a male body”, or better still – “in this lifetime, I have a male body”.


So the ego is what we think we are when we stop simply being. When we allow our attention to be distracted from our full being, we start thinking, and then the ego arises.


In reality, there is no ego. The ego is just what we THINK we are. What we THINK we are is not real – not really what we ARE. Because when we think, we stop being fully present – and reality; being; is only in the present.


Let me clarify this:
Thinking happens in the neocortex – the part of our brain that analyses. The part of the brain that compares. So when I think of myself as male, I am by implication also thinking of myself as ‘not woman’. That is what the neocortex does: it compares and analyses. It views the world in terms of opposites. It cannot do anything else. That is it’s nature, what it does.
Animals and small children (look at the picture!) don’t have much ego – why? Because their neocortex isn’t fully formed yet.


The present moment has no opposite. What is the opposite of NOW?…
Got it? THERE IS NO OPPOSITE OF NOW! Therefore the neocortex, the part of us that compares opposites, cannot grasp the present moment. The best it can come up with is past and future. So the neocortex is constantly analyzing our experience in terms of time.


What we truly are is timeless awareness. Consciousness. PURE BEING.
We experience this BEINGNESS ( a wonderful word I learnt from Simon Rose, who learnt it from Soleira Green ) fully only when we are living in balance. Only when we are completely ‘real’: centered in our body; emotionally present; and not caught up in the analytical processes of the ‘head’, but simply allowing it to do what it does… process information, like a computer.
This is what all the great masters describe: living in the present moment, feeling in balance with the environment, being spontaneously joyful. It’s what is known as an enlightened state.


I believe that enlightenment is the natural state of no-ego. When we are completely at one with ourselves, we lose that sense of ‘I’-ness. We become fully present, and we stop thinking of ourselves as this or that… we just experience, and that experience is what we are. That experience is what we really, truly are. Not what we think we are, but what we truly are. So we are all already enlightened – we just lose sight of it sometimes, because we think about what we are, and identify with that – ego!!


The great spiritual teacher Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj (whose incredible talks in the book ‘I Am That’), said:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing.
Love is knowing I am everything.
In between the two my life moves.”
Wisdom is knowing I am nothing.
Love is knowing I am everything.
How beautiful.


Ego is thinking I am something.


When we let go of the idea of what we are (which is really based on our past experiences – ie – what we were), we are free to really BE. We are also free to become more than that past idea.
That ‘beingness’; that state of awareness at the heart of our existence, is REAL.
The ego is not: the ego is just an illusion.


Part 2: http://benralston.blogspot.com/2010/06/ego-2-dont-fight-it.html