Ben Ralston

3 steps to profound healing (broken heart, bones, spirit)

I bleed. 
My heart bleeds out into the lonely night, and only the yearning for daylight; only the memory of a better day gives me hope…
Do you know what I mean? I know you do.
At least on some level, you do.

I’m a healer. I work as a therapist, I counsel people, and I heal their wounds (mostly emotional, but also physical). I didn’t ever desire to do this. I wanted to do many things, but never this…

When it came on me though, I knew it was my calling.
Healing is the simplest, most natural thing in the world. There are just 3 simple steps that you have to take to heal almost anything.
Of course, not everything can be healed. But even most things that are thought incurable can be.
And these are the 3 steps:
1.   Take responsibility for it.
Whatever the problem, it’s your problem. Own it. It’s yours. Not anyone else’s.
Even though you may have thought in the past that it was someone else’s fault.
Even if you wanted it to be someone else’s problem.
It isn’t. It wasn’t. It’s yours, and yours alone.
Own it.
Face it.
 Imagine that this problem is (literally) in your hands. Hold it up before your eyes and look into it deeply. This belongs to you alone. You alone can let it go.
But first, you must own it.
When you have taken responsibility you no longer blame others; and you no longer look for outside of yourself for the answers.

You know that you are responsible for your own change.
Quite often people call me and ask if I can help their partner / parent / friend. I have learnt to say ‘no’ in those situations. If that person had taken responsibility, they would be calling me themselves. If they haven’t taken responsibility, I can’t help them. Neither can you.
2.   Find the cause of the problem.
This is not so hard as it may seem, but it’s not as easy as step 3. It’s not as hard as step 1 though. Most people don’t make it past step 1. You should know that. If someone comes to me having taken step 1 (having taken responsibility for their problem) then I can almost always help them. And when they do come, I have the utmost respect – because I know what it takes to come to that point. It takes humility, and dignity, and courage. It takes being real. Most people don’t have that courage, and that’s why the world is in the state it is in…but more of that in a moment.
To find the cause of the problem, there is a very simple formula. Trace the problem (to use the analogy of a tree) to its roots. The topmost branches of the problem are in the head. The outermost symptoms are in the head (thoughts, beliefs, idea). The trunk of the problem is in the heart (emotions). The roots are in the gut(deeper feelings of trauma)… and the cause is in a reaction to those deep feelings of trauma. The reaction is a survival instinct.
Ask the question “how does this problem make me feel?” And then keep on asking that question until you come to the deepest feeling. Then ask yourself: “When I feel that deepest feeling, what do I want to do?”
The answer will be a survival instinct – almost all of our problems are rooted in our survival instincts.
There are exceptions to this rule – secondary gain is the most common one.
But if you clear the secondary gain (the process is almost identical to the one outlined above) then very often the problem falls away immediately.
Step 3: Heal the cause.
This is so easy as to be almost ridiculous.
Yes, that’s right. Healing is easy.
Taking responsibility is hard. Finding the cause is a little tricky, but when you know how, it’s pretty easy too. But healing the root cause of almost all our problems (gut-based survival instincts) is a doddle.
The cause of the problem is a subconscious blockage. To be specific, the blockage is a subconscious association between safety / survival and an instinct (fight, flight, and freeze – and their many variations: for example, fight may translate into feelings of wanting to run, hide, escape, etc.)
So if the nature of the problem is that it is subconscious, we heal it by simply making it conscious.
You see, our essence is pure consciousness. Light.
The blockage is like a shadow.
In the same way that you can remove a shadow by simply throwing light on it, you heal the subconscious blockage by bringing the light of your awareness to it.
This is mindfulness, and the power of it cannot be overstated.
When I heal a client’s blockage, I bring us both into a state of presence (here and now), and we acknowledge the blockage.
Our combined awareness (the light) bearing down on the blockage (shadow) makes it simply disappear.
The blockage is like an uninvited guest. When he is discovered, he leaves promptly. He is in fact waiting to be discovered, and wants to leave. He has a guilty conscience. He doesn’t belong there.
What belongs there is pure consciousness. When the blockage is removed, pure consciousness flows through the space again naturally, spontaneously and joyfully.
***


This is the most important thing in the world! There is no issue more urgent. Nothing is more worthy of your attention, time, and energy.
The world is in the state it’s in because so many of us are motivated unconsciously by survival instincts. In one word: fear.
We behave the way we do as a species (war, abuse, greed, hypocrisy, corruption) not because we are innately bad. On the contrary, we are innately good – our essence is goodness, or God-ness (“made in the image of God”).
However, our innate goodness has been tainted by the very thing that makes us so intelligent. Our higher thinking. Somewhere along the line human beings forgot how to quickly and easily release trauma (wild animals do it naturally). We instead learnt to hold on to our trauma. And those instincts that helped us to survivethe trauma stayed locked in place – permanently switched on.

So that our lives become ruled by subconscious tendencies towards fighting (conquer, destroy, kill, argue, conflict, win, etc); flight (hide, run away, escape, remain passive, etc); and freezing (numbness, paralysis, stiffness, lock-down, tightening up, etc).
This is why you may be a highly evolved, spiritual person, but have health, emotional, or psychological problems. Because there is something in your subconscious that trips you up and interferes with your essential nature from expressing itself naturally.
It all comes down to survival instincts.
When enough of us heal these blockages, I am sure there will be peace on earth, because peacefulness is the natural inclination of life. War is an aberration, like murder.
Death, killing, sickness – these are not aberrations – they are natural and necessary aspects of life. But war, murder, corruption and abuse are the consequence of un-released and un-healed traumas.
It’s so, so simple. We have the tools to forge a new society, a new earth, a new humanity.

Healing ourselves is the ultimate environmental activism.


It is a political act.


It is an expression of Ahimsa (non-violence) and Satya (truthfulness) and compassion.

Let us heal ourselves and each other.
Let us heal the global heart that is bleeding and crying out for us to stop abusing ourselves.
“He who saves one man saves mankind”
Save yourself. Save mankind.

‘The Emptiness’ and feeling empty (two very different things)

  
There is a feeling that many people experience. It’s like a sense that there is something missing – inside oneself.
And there is an experience that can be attained through direct perception.
Both of these things may be called ‘emptiness’, but they should not be confused.
The feeling of emptiness inside oneself is a symptom of a deep malaise. It has often been attributed to depression, and rightly so. However, I have found through my work that it stems (the root cause) from certain kinds of abuse trauma that damage one’s self-esteem.
To illustrate this, I’ll give a ‘real life’ example…

Actually, this example is a very good one, because it represents what I consider to be the most common, and perhaps the most damaging (although also the least recognized) form of abuse: emotional neglect.
A child is born utterly dependent and vulnerable. She enters this world with very few needs: physical security (food, water, oxygen, physical warmth) and love (attention and emotional warmth).
Very soon she sees that her parents are able to do a vast array of things – they provide for all of her physical needs; they move around and communicate effortlessly; they cause miracles to happen spontaneously (light, fire, water… all appear to be under their power).
So naturally, the child feels that these two beings are as Gods. They seem all powerful, and she depends on them entirely (not to mention – they created her!)
But very soon, something strange begins to happen.
Days go by and she doesn’t see the God (he’s a busy man and works dusk ‘til dawn). Although she would dearly love to see him, he apparently does not feel the same way (after all: if he did, he would – he is all powerful!)
And perhaps even when he is present physically, he somehow is not really present. His attention is not fully with her. And she feels (deeply subconsciously in her child’s mind):
“What is wrong with me that my Father does not see me? What am I missing?”
She truly feels that an important part of her is missing – some beauty, or some power, or something precious. And where that missing part should be, is only emptiness.
That feeling of emptiness is incredibly painful – because it is related not only to the emotional relationship with parents, but also to our very survival: if a child is not worthy of love, who will save her when she needs saving? How will she survive the many years of dependence that are to come?
The feeling is in fact so painful that it cannot be accepted: as a defense mechanism we resist it by suppressing it (into our subconscious) where it remains as a blockage, until healed. Subconsciously we continue to feel empty.
So the child grows up feeling unworthy of true love; unworthy of abundant happiness, health, and success.
This, or a variation of it, is what causes very many of us to have low self esteem: a parent’s (or both parents’) inattention; absence; or inability to express love.
***
The other kind of emptiness is not a feeling: it is a reality.
When we develop beyond independence to inter-dependence; when we see things as they truly are rather than projecting our own selfish desires, needs, and fears onto them; when we acquire enough energy and personal power to elevate our awareness beyond the mundane… then we perceive the true essence of reality – and it is emptiness.
Void.
Nothingness.
(Nothingness and emptiness are not the same. But Nothingness is part of emptiness. This was expressed most concisely and most beautifully in my opinion by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj when he said:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,
Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.”
When everything is one, then nothing is separate, and the something that we thought we were disappears. This is transcendence; it is also frightening to someone who has not yet developed a strong sense of self.
You see, ‘in order to be spiritual, we must first be human’.
My wife taught me these wise words.
Too many people are turning their backs on their material selves: their bodies; their physical needs’; their animal nature.
Let me tell you something: nothing is not spiritual.  Everything IS spiritual. Yes, even money. Sex. Death. Disease. Depression.
I used to think that spirituality was the opposite of materialism – that was my definition. However, I have learnt that there is no difference between the two. They are two sides of the same coin. The same way that nothing, and everything, are two sides of the coin of emptiness.
If you are trying to be spiritual you are not being yourself. We all have material needs.
Don’t spend many years (as I did) trying to transcend materialism. It doesn’t work. You might have a transcendent moment, but you’ll still have to be back in time for dinner (or work Monday morning).
Instead, focus on balancing your spirit with its physical, material reality.
This is what has come to be known as being-ness.
Don’t chase after oneness – after all, it will find you (when you die)! Instead, use your time in this world to integrate your full being-ness.
I’ll end with a personal anecdote – a true story.
When I was a child, I had a recurring dream; a nightmare. I was floating in space, utterly alone. I could wave my arms and legs, but there was no way of moving anywhere – I was weightless, with no momentum. Lost, alone, and powerless.
In the far distance there was a tiny speck of something. I had no idea what it was, but it felt like a toilet (odd, I know). So I was lost and alone and powerless, and apart from the stars and myself, there was only a toilet-like object in my field of awareness. The over-riding sensation was one of total desolation.
I had this dream many times all through my youth, until in my twenties it faded and I forgot about it.
Then, a few years ago I was in a meditation led by Tony Samara. I had a series of very powerful visions (which I won’t go into here – another blog, another time) but one of these visions was my old dream: I am floating in space, a toilet-like speck in the distance. Only I don’t feel alone any more. In fact, I don’t feel any sense of separation between myself and the toilet and the stars and the empty space. Rather, I feel myself as all of that – I am the emptiness in between! And tears flood my eyes and pour down my face, because I realize deeply that I Am That.
To say that this was a beautiful meditation would be an understatement: it transformed my life.
The purpose of my writing this is threefold:
1.  I want to highlight the two different kinds of emptiness: one can be a sign of progress; the other is something that inhibits progress, yet can be healed.
2.   I am promoting my work: I heal blockages, very successfully.
3.  I want more people to understand and realize deeply that spiritual progress depends upon material stability. We must accept ourselves and love ourselves fully as individuals before there will ever be any peace amongst us on this Earth.

So, help me achieve all three of these more fully by ‘liking’ (Facebook), sharing, and of course, I’d love you to leave a comment!

Why conspiracty theorists love to theorize about conspiracies

Yesterday morning I promoted (via the Elephant Journal Facebook page) Harris Mercer’s article ‘Why it’s wrong to doubt the news about Osama’. In case you haven’t read it, it’s an opinion piece.
Within minutes of the post the FB page received dozens of angry comments.
I realized two things: not only do conspiracy theorists love to theorize about conspiracies (which was the provocative title of my facebook post), but they don’t like to be called out on it…
I’ve thought a lot about this before, because I have a friend who loves to think (fantasize?) about this stuff. He spent many, many hours ‘researching’ over the Internet, and is firmly convinced that the world will end in 2012. He has invested not only a lot of time, but also a lot of money, into what he sees as precautionary measures to ensure his survival thereafter.
This is the conclusion I have reached:

It’s just another kind of addiction…

…up there along with shopping, pornography, video games, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc. Most people are addicted to something. We like to fuel our addictions to distract ourselves from the real issues that would otherwise (we fear) burn a hole in our mind – why am I not deeply happy? Why do I not do what I love? Why do I not relish this life, and live the life of my dreams?
For the record, I personally believe that there was something a bit ‘fishy’ about 9/11. I also believe that Osama probably isn’t dead! The greatest intelligence asset in the world, ever? Shoot him in the eye!
But hey, I don’t want to fuel any more conspiracy theories because I don’t want you to waste (too much) of your precious time thinking about them.
What I’d really like you to do is address the deeper questions. Are you deeply happy? Do you feel successful? Are you living the life you dreamt of when you were a child?

This is important.

It’s not important whether Osama planned 9/11; it’s not important whether he lived in a cave in Bora Bora or a mansion in Pakistan; it’s not important whether he’s alive or dead. It’s not important, compared to the simple question “Am I happy?”
You see, the world is full of unhappy people who pretend to be happy whilst pulling on their cigarettes; or plugging into the ‘net to research conspiracy theories; or going out at the weekend to get drunk, trying to forget about Monday looming up ahead, and the job that they dread.
So forget about Osama. If he’s not dead he soon will be, and we’ll never know the truth anyway.
Focus on yourself. “Be a light unto thyself”. You have the potential to be and do exactly what you would most love to be and do. When you get there, you’ll be a beacon of light in this dark world, and the more light we all bring, the more shadows we disperse.
Deep down we all want truth, justice, freedom, and peace. The only way is to find them within.

How healing, therapy, and personal development just became super-fast, and easy!







Until quite recently the accepted view was that therapy takes time (not to mention money).


Now, for real inner transformation, only a few sessions (with an expert) are needed. Sometimes only one!
How is this possible?
Well, therapy evolved. It used to be psychological, or emotional, or ‘energy’ oriented. The problem with these approaches is that the root cause is (very often) not healed: because the cause of our problems is rarely, if ever, head, or heart, or energy based.
The root cause is almost always a deeply subconscious association that relates to survival, safety, or sexuality.
And that means it relates to the gut…






When you work on an issue (whether it’s a physical symptom or an emotional problem, or depression – whatever!), if you find the deepest feeling associated with that problem, and release it from the subconscious, the issue will usually just fall away. (It’s a little more complicated than that – sometimes there are other factors to consider – such as secondary gain – but essentially, it is that simple).


You always feel the deepest feeling associated with the problem in the gut, because that is our center; it’s where our survival issues originate.


The reason it’s so easy is that you are not your problems. Your issues are just ‘stuff’ that you carry around with you. Yes, baggage.


Another analogy is clothing: You are not the clothes you wear. You just wear or carry them. As easy as it is to drop a piece of clothing, so it is simple to release your blockages.


What are you then, if not your ‘stuff’?


Your stuff is just a part of your ‘story’. You can keep on telling your story, and holding onto your blockages, for as long as you like. But when the time comes that you’ve had enough of that, and would like to be genuinely, deeply happy and successful, then you can quickly and easily let it all go.


Because what you really are is pure consciousness. Pure consciousness is what the ancient yogis referred to as Satchitananda – pure existence, consciousness, and bliss.


The essence of everything is pure consciousness. It’s simply the creative power in the universe. It has also been called God; spirit; Tao… there are many names.


When we stop experiencing the joy and love of pure consciousness, it’s because our perception and experience of our own essential nature are blocked. Almost all of us have blockages, because our society is pretty badly flawed.


The good news is that it’s changing, and you can change too. If you want to experience deep inner peace; joy; bliss… if you would like to heal your blockages so that your life, and the lives of your children, can be better, get in touch.


Yes, this is shameless self-promotion, but I’m not a corporate banker. I am a healer. So I’m not in the least ashamed of promoting my work, because I love it, and I know that it is a powerful tool for inner transformation.


My therapy is based on the alternative healing technique of Reference Point Therapy, which I also teach. You can find the RPT website here, the RPT blog here.


Inner transformation and powerful personal development no longer takes ages, costs a fortune, or has to be difficult.


When you’re ready to change, the change can now come very easily. It’s also fast and fun!


I know a lot of people will be skeptical about this. It seems too good to be true. However, I ask you, if you are skeptical, to keep an open mind. Look into it. You can start with my testimonials page on my website, which is just a selection of the many clients I’ve seen who’ve had amazingly fast results.


Whatever you think, I’d love to know. Leave a comment – can healing really be fast and lasting? Or am I just another snake oil salesman?! Do you have any specific questions about this technique, or how it works? I’ll be happy to answer them…


Oh, and while you’re at it, hit the facebook ‘like’ button so that together we can let as many people as possible know that life is meant to be fun!

Miraculous, instant healing!

I just did an amazing therapy session!
The client wanted to shift an emotional problem – he was finding himself ‘reacting’ negatively in certain situations. Specifially, he found himself feeling aggressive toward people for no good reason.
He gave this example: He had recently had a business meeting (he works in the sports industry). When the woman he was meeting with began to innocently describe how good her system of training was (inadvertently implying that his was less good) he suddenly felt aggressive towards her. Obviously, his sense of worth was threatened… but how to heal this?
Of course this was a big problem for him – in this instance it threatened not only his momentary emotional balance and mental clarity, but potentially also his long-term business and personal relationships.
We used the elegantly simple technique of RPT, and fully healed him not only of this problem – he also got more than he bargained for…
I guided the client through the ‘head, heart, gut’ process. As he visualized himself in the same business meeting again he was able to identify the thoughts that he had at the time.
As the woman stated how superior her work was, he immediately felt threatened and the thought (head) was:
“You’re talking nonsense”
He was also able to identify his emotional response (heart) to her statement: he was afraid.
However, he got stuck on the deeper feeling (gut). This is quite common – many people find it difficult to recognize the emotions and feelings that are causing their issues… but it’s never a problem, because my trusty intuition rarely lets me down.
I did it for him, and we found that in his gut there was a very strong sense of annihilation. As if his sense of worth being threatened also threatened his very existence.
At this point the client told me he had had several complications at his birth: in fact, he had almost died, and the doctors had had to revive him. He felt that perhaps this feeling of ‘annihilation’ was connected to that.
So, we worked on that deep ‘gut’ feeling in relation to his birth, and cleared it. I felt something ‘shift’ – the sign I always get when a healing is successful, and I told him that the session was over. However, there was a little surprise in store for us both!
As he got up to stretch he literally stopped in his tracks.
“That’s strange!” he said. “My back pain is gone”.
He did some exercises, stretching backwards, touching his toes, and found that his chronic back pain had also been healed!
The session took about an hour and half, and the client –from the comfort of his own home – released a serious emotional blockage, as well as healing a long term, extremely painful, bad back!


Thanks for reading – please give a facebook ‘like’ (unless you’re one of the few people on the planet who doesn’t use facebook!), share, and feel free to leave a comment. Thank you!